Out Foxed

The local hunt is outside a country pub enjoying themselves whilst guzzling champagne and eating pheasants etc ; their horses are tethered to the pub sign and various posts along the front of the pub.

Two foxes then walk past in a slow lazy amble.

The hunt spot the foxes and the cry of 'Tally Ho' goes up as the hunt quickly untether and mount their horses and give chase.

The two foxes run around the corner and get into the back of a van. A man then closes the van door.

The van then does a U Turn and passes the pursuing hunt.

The van then enters the pub car park and the driver walks over to the tables and pockets two mobile phones a wallet , two expensive looking lighters and a gold cigarette case . He then takes a bottle of champagne out of an ice bucket and drinks it as he picks up a cooked pheasant which he throws into the back of the van as he drives off.

Love it.

Well written as usual and very visual and I see what you're getting at but:

Where were the hounds to allow the foxes to 'amble'?
A lot of planning would have gone in to this for something that is unlikely to catch a hunt out again.
Would such items really be left behind?

Sorry to appear pedantic Teddy but I prefer humour to either be realistic or surreal, not tailored as this is to make the joke work.

Love your ideas though.

See, this is why I don't critique!

Fair point. But like many others I am forced to rely on artistic licence to a degree.

Gary, you sound like my boyfriend. He works out all the logistics of everything I write. It's not a bad thing and he does help me a lot by doing this.

I have to say...as a sketch it works and I'm also one who would work around a logical problem to make a joke work. If you sit and dwell on the ifs and thens, you'll be there all day. These are quick fire snippets of life. Who cares if people wouldn't usually leave their expensive stuff behind in a pub. You could say this sketch actually highlights the fact these fox-hunters are so intent on killing a fox, they'd leave anything behind. They're probably posh bastards anyway...with enough money to buy ten more phones just because they can.

Joyce, some of my best(?) stuff is illogical!

I just don't particularly like compromise.

I do appreciate this and can see its merits just also its weaknesses, IMHO.

One reason why I stopped critiquing a while back was that I did not feel skilled enough to pass a technical comment or witty enough to comment on the humour.

But here I am, ignoring myself.

It's still good to say what you think. At least posters can take or leave the advice. It's all helpful. After all...you read it and something didn't sit quite right with you. Others might feel the same. It's up to the writer to decide if they want to make sure NOBODY will find their sketch illogical. Each to their own, so to speak.

Not a bad thing to speak your mind. Except when people I don't like do it. They can bugger off.