British Comedy Guide

Adam 'n Neve.

GOD STANDS WITH HIS HAND ON A LION'S HEAD. TWO YOUNG MEN PLAY AND WRESTLE IN THE GRASS NEAR BY.

GOD (TO THE LION).
Aren't they fine fellows? Fit and strong, the perfect specimens. (HE LOOKS PROUDLY DOWN AT THE LION) I made them in my own image. After I had finished so I made you all in pairs to live, play and go forth in peace.

LION.
Indeed, father, they are fine and look just like you. We are all brothers in this beautiful garden.

GOD.
And I have warned Adam 'n Neve never to eat the fruit from the tree of knowledge so as to retain their purity of heart.

GOD AND THE LION STAND AND WATCH THE PAIR RUN PLAYFULLY INTO THE FOREST.

A FEW MINUTES LATER IN THE FOREST THEY COME UPON A TREE WITH A SNAKE WRAPPED ROUND A BOUGH. THERE BEFORE THEM HANGS A BEAUTIFUL APPLE.

SNAKE.
Boys come here.

ADAM.
It's that snake that father warned us about. Let's go.

THE SNAKE HELD OUT THE APPLE FOR THEM TO TAKE.

NEVE. (HOLDING THE APPLE AND SNIFFING IT)
It smells so good. Just one bite. (BITES APPLE AND OFFERS IT TO ADAM) Hmmm, it taste like sweet sunshine, take it, try it. Just one bite.

ADAM. (GRASPS APPLE AND BITES IT)
It is so good, like nothing I have tasted. (HE LOOKS AT NEVE) Why, you are naked!

NEAVE.
And so, Adam, are you!!

THE BOYS GRASP HANDS AND SKIP OFF INTO THE WOOD, GIGGLING, NAUGHTILY.

GOD APPROACHES SOME TIME LATER AND SPEAKS TO THE SNAKE. SHOW TUNES CAN BE HEARD PLAYING IN THE WOOD. THE SNAKE'S TAIL IS WRAPPED ROUND HIS HEAD TO DULL THE MUSIC.

GOD.
Have you seen Adam 'n Neve?

ADAM BURSTS OUT FROM THE WOODS WITH NEVE PRANCING BEHIND. ADAM WEARS A FIGURE HUGGING FIG LEAF AND NEVE A FULL FIG LEAF BIKINI.

ADAM.
So you get the beautiful swimwear and get ...... (looks at leaf) ...... this!! ADAM STORMS PAST GOD. She is such a B.I.T.C.H.

GOD (TO THE SNAKE)
What has happened?

SNAKE.
You haven't done a lot of this 'own image' thing, have you?

GOD SUCKS ON TEETH AND MINCES OFF.

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