Retro Toy Reviews 2

Hello. Here's the next script I'm working on for my Retro Toy Reviews series. The first can be seen here if you want an idea of how they work: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LENDBFnp1w0

There's some bits I'm not sure on but I'll see if anyone agrees.

Comments welcomed!

REVIEWER
Here is Stonedar, the Brave and fearless leader of the Rock People.

Reviewer transforms Stonedar from Rock to Humanoid.

STONEDAR
Owww! ...my flipping Back!

REVIEWER
Oh sorry! Are you OK?

STONEDAR
Yes. I'm fine! Just get on with your stupid review so I can go back to sleep.

REVIEWER
OK.. well uh, unlike the Transformers toyline of the 80s, which transformed into Jet Fighters and Dinosaurs. Stonedar here transforms into... a Rock!

STONEDAR
Don't say it like that.

REVIEWER
Like what?

STONEDAR
Like you're implying that rocks are boring!

REVIEWER
But, they are.

STONEDAR
No they're not! You could tell your viewers that we like to Rock... and Roll.

REVIEWER
(Groan)
Urgh.. Anyway... More interestingly, the Stonedar toy 'came out' at the same time as his boyfriend Rokkon.

Reviewer brings the ROKKON action figure into view.

REVIEWER (CONT'D)
The first openly gay couple in...

Stonedar intterupts.

STONEDAR
Whoah! Rokkon's not my boyfriend!

REVIEWER
He's not?

ROKKON
I'm not?!

STONEDAR
No! I'm not even gay. What makes you think that?

REVIEWER
Oh I dunno. Maybe it's because you came with this clip-on Gaydar?

Reviewer clips Stonedar's radar shaped weapon on to his chest.

STONEDAR
That's not a Gaydar! It's a rock spectral analysis unit.

REVIEWER
Boooring!! To be honest, if you're not the first openly gay action figures. And all you do is transform into Rocks. Then I'm not sure you're interesting enough to review.

STONEDAR
Oh! Well if that's your attitude, you can Rock off!

Stonedar shoots the reviewer with his rock analysis unit but it has no impact. Awkward silence follows.

REVIEWER
OKaaay. I bet you wish that was a cool weapon now don't you?

STONEDAR
(Sheepish)
Yes.

REVIEWER
Well so do I.

I liked that video, thought it was pretty funny. I think the script looks good too. Also the reviewer has a good voice.

Love it, Shoepie! Especially 'Rokkon', a brilliant name! And the ineffective weapon and awkward silence made me laugh.

In addition, I think cut the last line. And end on the figure saying, "No." Then... The reviewer knocks him over or something. Maybe.

Anyway, it's good. I'll check the video out now

Quote: M Paterson @ September 1 2012, 9:01 PM BST

Love it, Shoepie! Especially 'Rokkon', a brilliant name! And the ineffective weapon and awkward silence made me laugh.

View original

Echo this.

The YouTube video is great, has really captured the character and looks fantastic, nice and short and grabs the attention.

Quote: Shandonbelle @ September 1 2012, 10:39 PM BST

Echo this.

The YouTube video is great, has really captured the character and looks fantastic, nice and short and grabs the attention.

View original

I agree.

Faultless. Brilliant idea, well executed.

Very good.
The graphics were fantastic and the character of the toy really came across.
This is one of those pieces were you can only congratulate the creator as the clip is flawless.

Thanks for all the nice comments about the original. If something doesn't viral it's easy to think of it as a failure, so nice to hear it's liked

My doubts about this sketch are:

1) That the awkward ending won't be funny. And it'll just whimper out instead of a big laugh.

2) The discussion about Rocks isn't great, I wish I could improve that.

For me the ending is a bit flat, the rock and roll bit is a little meh, its good when talk about them being a couple. I think if you tighten it up will be very funny.