Newsjack - Series 7 Page 14

Sent some one liners in.

Soon to be in the rejected post.

>_<

Hi All

Joined up a wee while ago but been very ill. Have started to write again over past few weeks though and discovered NewsJack leafing thru this forum so thank you for that! Spent all yesterday and this morning working on some stuff, dunno if I've made them a bit too long for one-liners but they're not sketches, just snippets really.

Did listen to the show though from last week and feel that maybe how I have written them could work in the format so best wait and see I spose? It's all fantastic practice anyways, trying to write topical things and link stuff together - love trying to do that

Do you folks usually put up your work here (say for example, any Newsjack rejects) to get some feedback on what/how you have written? I think that would be helpful for me right now. Is it an issue for you showing your personal work in such a public way? Are you worried about your work being plagiarised or not?

Whoo-hoo! Just got an automated response so hopefully . . my stuff may get read and right now, that is exciting for me. BTW, I thought the Billy Footballer was epic and it was very interesting to read Alakazam's edited script for the sketch - nice one.

Cheers all
Beej

Quote: Alakazam @ September 23 2012, 11:43 AM BST

Since getting something on the show is a novelty for me, I've no idea how representative this is, but here's my submission. I've put the script editor's changes and additions in brackets where I remember them and italicised anything that was cut:

Prince Albert's Shins

JUSTIN:19th Century listeners are warned to remove their monocles now, as the following report contains graphic euphemisms and repeated use of the word 'shin'.

ATMOS:CRACKLY RECORD.

GROYNE:Wilberforce Groyne, Royal Scandalhound here.

Her Majesty Queen Victoria's visit to the South Seas has been rocked by sensation as Prince Albert's bare shins were photographed while he lounged sockless on the patio. I'm joined by a royal footman who was present when the photographer struck. (What exactly did you see?) Mr Simpleton?

SIMPLETON:Beggin' your pardon, Sir, but it all happened so fast. There was a blinding flash of light, then a voice asking us all to remain motionless for about a minute (twenty minutes), then he was gone.

GROYNE:But was the Prince wrong to go sockless in the first place? Give us your opinion.

SIMPLETON:I'd rather just rotate my hat anxiously in my hands, Sir.

GROYNEtout fellow.

Etchings of the Royal Consort's 'front calves' have now appeared in several appallingly foreign publications. Upon seeing the images, three women suffered fits of hysterics and were removed to a home for the sexually (femininely) deranged. One of them joins me now, through a small hole in a door. Abigail Ladygarden, good evening.

ABIGAIL:Good evening.

GROYNE:What was your reaction on seeing the pictures?

ABIGAIL:Good shape (length), but too hairy. 7 out of 10.

GROYNE:Calm yourself madam, or I shall splash Vimto in your face. (I shall put you in a cage and exhibit you at the forthcoming exhibition).

ABIGAIL:I don't see what the fuss is. We've all seen shins before.

GROYNE:I haven't. Mrs Groyne and I wear waders to bed.

ABIGAIL:I think the real question is why the behaviour of an irrelevant member of an outdated institution is of any intere-.

F/XSLIDING DOOR SHUT.

GROYNE:Thank you Ms Ladygarden. (Horrible woman... You're twice as mad as a normal woman, which is very mad indeed - I wish I'd written that bit.)

ABIGAILMUFFLED PROTESTS OFF.)

(GROYNEhoot her!)

GROYNE:At home, Buckingham Palace say that any person who has seen the Prince's shins should be dissolved in caustic soda (should be hanged until very dead), in what most have deemed to be an under-reaction. (Next, a piece on winter fashions, with an in-depth look at the Queen's muff.) Meanwhile, a vicar who caught sight of the pictures in a mirror is reported to have vomited his own face off.

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That was a great sketch and the relativly few changes made are a credit to your writing skill. Where they did make changes was for the better which shows the skill in script editing.

Well done to SM and David for theirs as well.

Quote: Burnt Out Hack @ September 25 2012, 11:08 AM BST

Think have permanently given up on the sketches. Just concentrating on the one liners these days - you've got to know your game. Competition is going to be fierce for Mitchell rant and Abu Hamza, obv. Time to hit the "B" headlines maybe...

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Hmmm, just over two hours to one-liner deadline and I honestly don't know what either of those stories are about...might give this week a miss!

Bit behind, so only listened to last week's episode last night - must add my congrats to those featured from around these parts, thought it was very strong indeed, so well blimmin' done ya'll!.

One liners away.

My sketches this week were on
Andrew Mitchell (as has the rest of the world!)
The Waitrose Twitter debacle and
University Challenge's 50 year anniversary

I sent my one-liners off last night. I managed nine in total.

Eight one-liners sent, hazzah! (and a pretty decent John Terry one in the mix).

I'm not saying what my sketches were on in case I jynx it.

Quote: Blinkered @ September 24 2012, 5:05 PM BST

Sadder and wiser. Dithered putting final touches to sketch. Posted
at, according to 'sent box' 12.02 Monday. No auto response. Assume not accepted?

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I wouldn't worry too much about not getting an auto response, think a fair number of people have problems with it. (Although will confess I never truly relax until it comes through)

The 12:02 might be a problem as not sure how tight they are on the deadline. They might be nice and read it but then again if you've got several hundred to get through you have to draw the line somewhere. Sorry that's not particularly reassuring!

Quote: Beej @ September 25 2012, 12:47 PM BST

Hi All

Do you folks usually put up your work here (say for example, any Newsjack rejects) to get some feedback on what/how you have written? I think that would be helpful for me right now. Is it an issue for you showing your personal work in such a public way? Are you worried about your work being plagiarised or not?

View original

Hello Beej! Always good to welcome newcomers to the forum and Newsjack was how I found the world of BCG.

If you look in critique you'll see quite a few NJ rejects usually with the label 'NJ' on them. I don't think there's a problem with them being plagiarised, especially once you've posted them you've got a date and time stamp with you name on it should anyone try and nick it! Although I wouldn't recommend putting anything up there that's 'under consideration' (e.g. sent to Newsjack on Monday/Tuesday and waiting for the Thursday e-mail) as probably not wise to spoil the joke before it gets aired / published.

I also think a couple of the Newsjack team are on the Forums and I don't think it'll look good to them if the sketch they're thinking of airing appears in print to one of their audience sources before the show comes out.

Stuck Billy Footballer up in Critique if anyone wants to see another sketch they broadcast: https://www.comedy.co.uk/forums/thread/25649#P916770

Oh and my three for this week were on:
JK Rowling's new book (out on Thursday)
Apple Maps
Lib Dem Conference (no horses)

10 one-liners, but no sketches for me this week unfortunately - just couldn't get my head round anything longer than a quip for some reason.

Only managed to listen to last week's NJ at the weekend, but it was an excellent show!

JK Rowling's new book (out on Thursday)

Finally. It's been "coming soon" in bookshop windows for about a year now.

My theory is that JK got scared about releasing an nonHarry book and ordered her PR people to issue coming soon posters to test the water and see if any pre-orders came in before writing the bloody thing.

Andway, carry on as you were.

Yeah, cos she was never gonna have any market after those wizard things was she...

Sent off a page of one liners last night.

I got two sketches away on Monday;
Apple Map Fiasco, and
Newsjack shop CD of LibDem apologies.
Half a dozen one-liners yesterday.

I'm going to the recording tonight and currently have a spare ticket. PM me if interested, and if I've still got it will email it across.