Been toying with this one for a while. There's more but not sure whether to continue or put it in the bottom draw. I like it (I know it's far from perfect) but now not sure after 'A Touch Of Cloth', though I've not seen that. Any opinions welcome ta.
SCENE 1. INT. OFFICE OF PHILIP GREAVES’ DETECTIVE AGENCY. DAY (09:30)
THREE PEOPLE ARE PRESENT; PHIL GREAVES (A RECOVERING ALCOHOLIC EX METROPOLITAN POLICE INSPECTOR), HIS ‘SIDEKICK’ DONALD TRUMAN (PHIL’S COUSIN AND JUNIOR BUT OLDER COLLEAGUE WHILE AT THE MET), THE OFFICE ADMINISTRATOR JOLENE PARTON ALL SITTING IN A MEDIUM SIZE OFFICE AREA AT THEIR RESPECTIVE DESKS. THE PHONE ON JOLENE’S DESK RINGS.
JOLENE:
Hello, G.I. Jo speaking; how may I help you? (Beat)
No, I’m not taking the pi$$. (Beat) And you!
PHIL:
Jolene, what was that?
JOLENE:
What?
PHIL:
Abbreviating the company name. It’s Greaves Investigations!
JOLENE:
Well, other companies are known by their initials.
PHIL:
But I’m neither an item of furniture nor a tool.
JOLENE
(Sarcastically) No?
PHIL:
And please announce yourself as Jolene.
JOLENE:
It’s my name. I can call myself what I like.
PHIL:
It gives the caller a better impression. That you’re a pro.
DONALD:
When they meet her they realise it’s no impression!
JOLENE:
Oy! And you can…
BEFORE JOLENE CAN FINISH HER SENTENCE THE DOOR OPENS AND A SLIGHTLY BUILT, SMARTLY DRESSED MIDDLE AGED MAN WALKS IN.
JOLENE:
Oh. Good morning sir. Can I help?
MR WILKINS:
Hello, yes. Sorry, I don’t have an appointment but I wondered if I might see Mr Greaves.
JOLENE:
Okay. If I can take your name I’ll enquire if he is available.
MR WILKINS:
Thank you. It’s Wilkins. Henry Wilkins.
JOLENE:
Take a seat.
JOLENE BECKONS MR WILKINS TO SIT ON THE CHAIR TO THE SIDE OF HER DESK.
Phil, there’s a Mr Wilkins who would like to see you.
PHIL:
Phone, Jolene.
JOLENE:
What?
PHIL:
The phone.
JOLENE:
It’s not ringing.
PHIL:
No, use the phone to let me know.
JOLENE:
To let you know what?
PHIL:
That there is someone to see me.
JOLENE:
Look, why do you do this? He can see you, you can see him. Can’t you just call him over to you from there?
PHIL:
Now that wouldn’t look very professional to the client, would it?
JOLENE:
Well, he’ll find that out soon enough anyway.
PHIL STANDS AND LOOKING AT MR WILKINS BECKONS HIM TOWARDS HIS DESK.
PHIL:
Ha ha. You joker, Jolene. Mr Wilkins, please, take a seat.
MR WILKINS:
Thank you.
PHIL:
Now what can we do for you? Coffee? Tea? Jolene, put the kettle on, there’s a lu…er…good…erm…thanks.
MR WILKINS:
Nothing for me, thanks.
PHIL:
Oh, so we can’t do anything for you? Ha ha.
MR WILKINS:
What?
PHIL:
You said, “Nothing”. A little joke.
JOLENE:
You’re not so little!
PHIL:
Kettle, Jolene! (beat) So, Mr Wilkins, sorry about that. How may we help you?
MR WILKINS:
Well…
DONALD:
Pot calling the kettle!
PHIL CLOSES HIS EYES AND SHAKES HIS HEAD.
PHIL:
Excuse me, Mr Wilkins.
HE TURNS TO FACE DONALD.
Are you trying out that rapier like wit again, Donald? I’ve told you before, like civilian life, it doesn’t suit you! Carry on counting the red cars or whatever it was you were doing! Sorry again, Mr Wilkins. Please continue.
