Charge.

25th October 1854. The Crimean.

Ext. Day. A small group of army officers are sat on horses in a line.

Raglan: It’ll be like a smoking jacket you see.

Captain: But in knitwear?

Raglan: Of course in knitwear Captain. Report?

A lookout is watching something through a telescope.

Lookout: Half a league onward Sir.

Raglan: Good. It’ll have just three or four buttons, a nice tight fit across the shoulders.

Captain: It does sound like another winner my Lord.

Raglan: After the success of the knitwear headgear, only something like this could follow it up.

Captain: All the boys love the headgear Sir. To a man, all 600, they’ll all be wearing their Bognors for the charge today.

Lookout: Another half league forward Sir……hang on?

Raglan: They’ll go mad for this new design back in London. Might even call it after myself.

Lookout: Sir!

Raglan: I can see it now “Oh it’s a bit chilly in here love, I’ll just slip on my Raglan.”

Captain: Will there be a range of colours Sir?

Lookout: SIR!

Raglan: Reds and Blues I think. Just like the Dragoons.

Lookout: SIR! They aren’t going round. SIR!

Raglan: What is it man?

Lookout: They’ve gone up the valley Sir, the whole brigade. Right down the bloody middle.

Raglan (Sighs) : Maybe you were right Captain? Maybe the headgear shouldn’t have been called Bognor. The branding is all wrong, aims it at the wrong market.

Captain:It could probably do with some eyeholes as well.

Fella again I kinda got it by the first 2 lines.

And the lines along the way are kinda slack and lacking in jokes.

You need to really look at your structure and your jokes

Good but I would have preferred a snipe at Wellington for his footwear and given that you are working with Cardigan at Balaclava you need to clearly distinguish between the products.
Also you should include Lord Lucan being present for once!

Good punch, but I got a bit confused on the way. Is Raglan trying to claim credit for the cardigan? (rather than the raglan sleeve?) And Bognor seems a bit random.

Just spotted the punchlinethat's quite good, but too long a journey to get there

Thanks for your thoughts.

The idea was the ludicrous picture of incompetent generals discussing fashion as the biggest disaster in the British Army unfolds in front of them. As Sooty says maybe not enough gags along the way, but I like people to try to make their own connections with my history sketches - I do realise I will lose some people who don't know the name of the battle or the name of the general that leads the charge.