"Tonight's TV" Micky Take

I usually write these when I'm bored. I take the schedule for a certain day and just put a comedic spin on it. I expect there is better stuff out there but thought I'd share.

BBC1

7pm: The One Show: The spoon bending bastard Uri Gellar shows us how he bends his own penis to look around corners, Chris Evans shows how he masturbates into a flannel and that Welsh presenter babbles on about how she fell over her own shadow

7.30: Eastenders: Phil has a hair transplant from his hairy bollocks, Shirley takes up driving lessons in a tank, Ian takes a shit in the laundrette and Tanya wafts her smellly fanny over the dinner table.

8pm: Holby City: The hospital closes down because its sick of being on telly.

9pm: Accused: A tranny gets into a love triangle with a man and an octupus

10pm: News At Ten: Death, depression, money woes, Iraq, David Cameron *yawns*

10.35: Traffic Cops: The cops stop people because they are being baddies while looking big and tough on camera

11.35: EastEnders Omnibus: Watch it if you wanna see the same shit that was shown last week at different times

1am: Weatherview: A look at the weather in every single country in the world, presented by a man on stilts.

BBC2

7pm: Escape To The Country: If you want to live on a place with no bus route or any sign of life then this programme would be right up your street.... sorry lane.

8pm: The Great British Bake Off: Amateur bakers sit around for ages baking one before unleashing the biggest shit in the history of the world

9pm: The Midwives: A programme about some midwives who deliver babies by post

10pm: The Rob Brydon Show: He does about twenty impressions of Ronnie Corbett over and over....that's it.

10.30pm: Newsnight: Lets watch Jeremy Paxo Paxman moan and grumble his way through another dreary and cumbersome show, tonight he lets us in on his private sex life in a Soho dungeon with Madame Whiplash

11.20pm: The Riots: If your a depressive and love depressing shit why not watch knuckle dragging chavs set fire to things

12.20pm: News 24: 15 mins of news on a loop over and over.

ITV1

7pm: Emmerdale: Emma does the ironing while Dale burns his penis on the oven while cooking in the nude

7.30: Countrywise: Watch farmer Bob make passionate love to his pigs and sheep while eating a baked potato

8pm: Lewis: A programme about a man called Lewis who works in a call centre in Slough selling terrapins

10pm: ITV News: More depressing news about death, train price rises and the news about how David Cameron shaves his hairy arse

10.35pm: The Specialist: A programme about a specialist who's like really special and that

12.35am: Jackpot 24/7: Imagine your mum in an ill fitting top, tanned up like a black and white minstrel begging people to call her.... this is Jackpot 24/7.... makes you shudder don't it.

CH4

7pm: Channel 4 News: News ready by that bloke with the jazzy looking ties this time reporting from a budgie cage

8pm: Supersize vs Superskinny: A fat woman eats a stick thin woman then pukes her up in the toilets

9pm: Seven Dwarves The Wedding: The most important wedding of the century as we watch the seven dwarves get hitched live on CH4

10pm: Thelma's Gypsy Girls: A woman explains how she lives in a field in a house mad out of balsa wood, she shows us how she lives her life and survives by eating horse shit and stinging nettles

11.25pm: Riding For Gold: We take a look at the Sex Olympics as Trudy smashes John up the arse to take the gold medal

It goes on a bit but I enjoyed this. Would be a good excessive if you had writers block or just wanted to get the juices flowing.

A nice rant, it needs reigning in a bit and could be less crude, that's not me being a prude it's just more of your craft is displayed by the suggestion as oppose to the blatant.

I would work on this though as it is very good in parts and would survive the cut of the bad parts and be all the better for it.

Hi guys

Thanks for your honest feedback on this. I can see now looking at certain areas it needs improving especially when some parts are focused a bit on the same sort of subject.

I may post a new one or something different with a bit more detail and reign in the crudness just a touch

That's positive step, I'm no prude and use a lot of swearing etc,but that's about judgement when any other word won't do.

But in general the skill is in the suggesting, anyone can write naughty words, but not all can suggest them without referring directly.

You have a good eye and your observational skills are decent, just tighten and lighten.

Work on the notion that better the reference is presented the more you advance your craft!

Set it out and think of the options, what makes it pacier, what adds to the humour when it should be blatant and when it should only suggest.

Have a few goes get some good feedback and the whole thing will come together because the nucleus is there and you have a style