Three Sketches

Hi I've got three sketches here, all feedback appreciated. Thanks. [UPDATED: typo fix.]

Bad News

F/X: A DOOR OPENS AND CLOSES

CONSULTANT: Jack, do take a seat.

JACK: So... what's the prognosis?

CONSULTANT: It's bad news I'm afraid. We're going to have to remove your ponytail.

JACK: Oh God.

CONSULTANT: It's been growing exponentially since the early '90s and it's now reached the middle of your back.

JACK: How long have I got?

CONSULTANT: There's no reason you can't live a long and happy life. But if we don't remove it there's a ninety-five percent chance your wife will divorce you.

JACK: But... you're my wife.

CONSULTANT: Make that ninety-nine percent.

END OF SKETCH (MIGHT CUT THE LAST TWO LINES)

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Fashion

F/X: CATWALK SHOW ATMOS - CAMERA SHUTTERS ETC.

JOURNO 1: Fabulous designs this season!

JOURNO 2: Yes, black is totes back.

JOURNO 1: Totes. It's the new black.

JOURNO 2: Ya, old is the new 'new'.

JOURNO 1: Totes! New is so yesterday.

JOURNO 2: Old is in, new is out!

JOURNO 1: And out is the new in!

JOURNO 2: Ya, nothing's out and nothing's in. It's all old, black, in and out.

JOURNO 1: Like Morgan Freeman in a revolving door.

JOURNO 2: It's the way forward.

JOURNO 1: Which is the new backwards.

JOURNO 2: Totes!

END OF SKETCH

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Man Down

F/X: HELICOPTER BLADES OVERHEAD, MACHINE GUN SOUNDS. A MAN GROANS IN PAIN.

MAN 1: Look we've got to move him, I'm not leaving him behind. We came into this awful, nightmarish pit of misery together and we sure as hell are going to leave it together. Jones, you're our brains, what's your suggestion?

JONES: I think we should wake him up.

MAN 1: Good!

JONES: Then we should leave the cinema and go to the pub.

MAN: Brilliant! Let's go, go, go!

F/X: FEET RUNNING INTO DISTANCE

END OF SKETCH

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Thanks again for any feed back.

All three were good ideas, fashion being my favourite.

I noticed from another thread you said you imagined characters from your favourite sitcom and tried to imagine them in different situations. Who did you imagine in these sketches?

Thanks. For the sketches I didn't have characters in mind ironically But possibly for 'fashion' the voices in my head were Jessica Hynes in Twenty Twelve, that kind of thing.

Usually for sketches - non-topical ones - I just write down a bunch of odd, crazy thoughts like, 'black is the new black' or 'Chess elbow'. Some just go nowhere but some paint enough of a picture to become a sketch.

1 - Liked this, and I'd leave the 'make that 99 percent' line, that's a good ending I think.

2 - My favourite, loved the Morgan Freeman line.

3 - Very good, though I think you should have ended on the 'leave the cinema' line.

Thanks! I can only submit two, and hoping the feedback will help me gauge which two.

Also, the Morgan Freeman line is my favourite too

1. Excellent.

2. Well written, but a straw target.

3. Nice idea, seems a little awkward, but a quick polish woudl make it very good, as an audio sketch.

Thanks Gappy. The first on is my favourite. Getting Twitter people saying they like 'Man Down' too. I can only submit two you see - argh! - I think, although I love the Morgan Freeman line I may plump for the other two.

Hmmm....