British Comedy Guide

GP Surgery.

DOCTOR
I'd like you to do me a sample, just pop into the toilet next door for a minute. (Hands the patient a sample bottle, who then walks out of the consulting room)

A FEW MINUTES PASS AND NO SIGN OF THE PATIENT RETURNING.
THE DOCTOR GOES AND KNOCKS ON THE TOILET DOOR

Mr Allen, is everything ok in there?

MR ALLEN
Almost done.

THE DOCTOR GOES BACK INTO THE CONSULTATION ROOM TO WAIT.
ANOTHER FEW MINUTES PASS. NO SIGN OF THE PATIENT.
THE DOCTOR RETURNS AND KNOCKS ONCE AGAIN ON THE TOILET DOOR.

Mr Allen?

MR ALLEN
Almost done.

DOCTOR (flustered)
If you can't manage it that's alright, you can take it home with you and bring it back later Mr Allen.

MR ALLEN
Almost done.

THE DOCTOR GOES BACK TO THE CONSULTATION ROOM, HE LOOKS AT HIS WATCH, TAPPING IMPATIENTLY ON HIS DESK.
A FEW MORE MINUTES PASS. HE CHECKS HIS WATCH ONCE AGAIN THEN JUMPS ANNOYED FROM HIS SEAT AND HEADS FOR THE DOOR...MR ALLEN MEETS HIM IN THE DOORWAY.

HE THRUSTS THE COFFEE BREAK PUZZLE PAGE FROM THE DAILY MAIL INTO THE DOCTORS FACE
Done it! I didn't want to take it home and bring it back again.
I might have forgot and reception don't like you taking the newspapers anyway.

DOCTOR (fuming)
And the sample?

MR ALLEN LOOKS AT THE EMPTY SAMPLE BOTTLE CLUTCHED IN HIS OTHER HAND.
Shit (he heads for the door)
I won't be a minute doc….

All efforts deserve at least one comment. I liked the Bill Dup, but the out was a bit of a let down - for someone of your calibre. Hava a good summer.

A smile rather than a laugh from me but still a neat simple idea, perhaps if you thought up some crossword/medical puns for more retrospective content?

Cheers guys. The crossword puns would add something to it I agree. Ideally I wanted this to be a simple silly little scenario.

Nice idea, but Allen's long explanation of what he has been doing in there loses the initial recognition of the gag; needs a tidier punch.

As others have said, a nice idea but perhaps not quite working at the end? If I could be so bold, how about this as an alternative. Have the doctor say he wants Mr Allen to give him a sample. Mr Allen agrees and then the doctor puts a massive bottle on the table for him to fill, passing him the crossword as he wanders off.

But that's probably been done before?

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