Sketch about a joke writer.

A POSTMAN WALKS UP A PATH TO A FRONT DOOR IN A LOVELY ENGLISH GARDEN
POSTMAN WHISTLES CHEERILY

POSTMAN STANDS BEFORE THE DOOR AND KNOCKS TWICE

POSTMAN
Knock knock

PERSON BEHIND DOOR
Who's there?

POSTMAN
The postman

A FIST EXPLODES THROUGH THE DOOR KNOCKING THE POSTMAN TO THE GROUND

PERSON BEHIND
I wrote that you joke stealing shit pot!

VO
. Arthur Pilchard is one of 2 million joke writers in the UK, his life a ceaseless battle with plagarism.

SCENE 2

A PUB INTERIOR

AN ENGLISHMAN IN A PINSTRIPE SUIT, UNION JACK WAISTCOAT AND BOWLER HAT, A SCOTS MAN IN A KILT WITH BAGPIPES, AND AN IRISHMAN IN EMERALD GREEN CARRYING A SHILLELAGH WALK IN.

ENGLISHMAN, IRISHMAN AND SCOTSMAN ARE ANNIHILATED BY A BLAST OF MACHINEGUN FIRE

MACHINEGUN FIRE FROM ARTHUR HERRINGS BREN GUN AS HE MOWS THEM DOWN

ARTHUR OPENS THE PUB DOOR SEE'S A CHICKEN CROSSING THE ROAD AND BLOWS IT APART WITH MACHINE GUNFIRE

ARTHUR
Explain you that you chicken bastard!

SCENE3

ARTHUR PILCHARD IS WALKING HIS DOG IT HAS NO NOSE IS COVERED IN SHIT AND PROBABLY SMELLS

VO
Arthur Pilchards only friend is his dog Herring, a rare Tibetan nose less terrier.
Arthur!

ARTHUR LOOKS DIRECTLY INTO THE POV

VO
How does he smell?

I like it, but I think scene 2 is weak. And is there a reason his name changes halfway through?

Because I'm a f**kwit with no short term memory

thanks

Loved scenes 1 and 2. I think the Chegwin angle spoils it a bit though.

Ha.

Quote: Badge @ August 16 2012, 9:12 PM BST

Loved scenes 1 and 2. I think the Chegwin angle spoils it a bit though.

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Oh I thought it gave it a twist.

You know introducing a famous alleged plagarist.

Quote: sootyj @ August 16 2012, 9:14 PM BST

Oh I thought it gave it a twist.

You know introducing a famous alleged plagarist.

View original

I got that. I just think you can end it better without making the whole thing virtually unsellable and unfilmable. The idea is great and I love the way you underplay the first two scenes. The third doesn't need Chegwin and the segue is contrived. There may be a bigger sketch here, because the dilemma is a tragic one.

Tragic really?

hmm I'll think on it.

I don't think the second scene is underplayed, but too over the top. The stereotypical dress and then the machine gun, not subtle at all.

I liked the third scene, but I can see that it would make it unfilmable.

Maybe I interpreted the sketch more tragically than you intended, but I think it's a great idea that deserves more than a celebrity dig at the end.

Celeb dig dug out

Quote: Stylee TingTing @ August 16 2012, 9:32 PM BST

How's about a chicken gag? With Arthur blasting his shotgun at a chicken crossing the road in front of him?

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This might be good, but I'd lose the artillery, it's too unreal. Maybe he could meet it halfway across and boot it into a hedge or something?

I might write a sequel where he f**ks the chicken.

Too quick, Sootyj! I'm not even going to look because you haven't had time to think. Sleep on it and I'm sure you will have a cracking sketch.

The re-edit makes it all worse, for me. And I don't get the piano reference at all