Experts report that obesity hastens brain decline. That's a #LoadOffMyMind
KISS2: One-Liners Page 3
Non topical jokes:
Despite your advice, I just got my panties in a bunch. They were 3 for 2. You obviously don't like bargains.
Bitches be trippin' below my hotel window. Because they are drunk.
I've seen some questionable premises for sitcoms but Michael J Fox starring in one about Parkinsons has to be the shakiest.
(ref: http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/entertainment-arts-19329468 )
Quote: Matt Fishwick @ August 21 2012, 10:05 AM BSTIn the US the number of newborns being circumcised is falling. The levels are now less than 50% in some states. For Dr Marvin Wang, co-director of the Newborn Nurseries at Massachusetts General Hospital, there are pros and cons to the procedure. “You are doing a procedure on someone who cannot make the decision,” he says. In a subsequent poll of newborns at Massachusetts General, if the decision were up to them, the babies would laugh at his surname.
(story ref: http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/magazine-19072761)
If Dr Wang was pro-circumcision he'd change his name to Dr Wan.
Doctors and courts agree that circumcision isn't necessary and may violate human rights #ToCutALongStoryShort
A 15 year-old American has come up with a new, cheaper, faster test for cancer #BornBetweenLateJuneAndLateJuly
At first I was concerned that Hollywood was turning the game Assasin's Creed into a movie, but then my wife showed me the DVD of Shame and now I see what all the Fass is about.
I don't see why a woman was arrested over a racist bus rant. If you're going to allow a racist bus, you have to understand that people are going to get upset about it.
Astronomers have caught a star devouring a planet. Looks like Alesha Dixon may not be the face of Weight Watchers for much longer.
A State University of New York study has shown that semen is "good for women's health and helps fight depression". My girlfriend's not swallowing it.
Badumtish! (but in a good way)
Prince Harry may have a gambling problem. After losing his shirt playing billiards and putting the crown jewels on the table.
Some male politicians can't help having ridiculous views on rape due to the Freudian fear of vagina dentata #EverSeenAToothlessPolitician?
(ref: http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-politics-19323783 and http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-us-canada-19326666 and more...)
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Astronomers have caught a star eating a planet – whilst not totally unexpected they were still surprised that James Corden is considered a star.
(ref: http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/science-environment-19332091 )
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The Department of Education says that one in six 16 to 24 year-olds is NEET – so how come all the ones I know are terribly messy?
(ref: http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/education-19342998 )
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Good luck to TeamGB in all events especially the overnight yomp to Port Stanley #2012Paralympics
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Mi5 to interrogate Prince Harry after photos of his chopper appear on the web.
The government has suggested the NHS should open hospitals abroad. Won't this put the Queen out of a job?
Why because foreign hospitals can provide their own parasites?
Why because foreign hospitals can provide their own parasites?
"I couldn’t care less about the arrival of 4G... I mean they’re only an operatic tribute act!"
"Asil Nadir's biggest mistake was rejecting his mother's maiden name!"
"I speak for all Man City fans when I say – get your hands off our Johnson!"
"First Russell Brand, then Piers Morgan, and now Louise Mensch... America really has become a dumping ground for British knobheads!"
"A fork's been removed from a man’s stomach... by the same surgeon who left it there in the first place!"
"I’m absolutely appalled by George Galloway... I mean, how can the guy be pro-Islam?"
"If near-death experiences are supposed to inspire creativity... how do you explain George Michael's latest single?"
"Tory MPs reckon British workers are lazy. British workers reckon Tory MPs are *long beep*!"
"South Africa's finally overtaken England... and become the worst place in the world to be a miner!"
"Reading Fifty Shades of Grey has taught me to embrace my submissive urges... hence why I've just joined the Liberal Democrats!"
Prince Harry wasn't bothered about leaked pictures of him playing naked billiards, though sources say he is concerned about the forthcoming spot the ball competition.
Questioned about ruining the prized fresco of Jesus Christ, the pensioner responsible stated she did her best to restore the painting, but in hindsight regrets using bingo markers.