I found this old sketch earlier that I wrote for a podcast I was doing with Bussell and Stott a few years back. The endings not strong enough in my opinion, so any suggestions welcome.
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DR DOMINATOR:
At last, I, Dr Dominator have you exactly where I want you! There is no escaping your fate this time. You’re finished! FINISHED I TELL YOU!
MAN:
So, it’s this fridge here?
DR DOMINATOR:
Yes. It keeps icing up.
MAN:
Lets have a look inside.
F/X: FRIDGE DOOR OPENING
MAN:
Jesus Christ! You’ve got heads in here! Severed heads!
DR DOMINATOR:
Yes! Trophies from my most deadliest enemies!
MAN:
Are you insane?
DR DOMINATOR:
Well (CHUCKLES), you don’t become a deranged, genius super scientist without being a little (MAKES CUCKOO NOISES).
MAN:
But they’re blocking the airflow.
DR DOMINATOR:
What?
MAN:
It’s basic thermodynamics, mate! I mean, hello?! Am I the scientist or you? (LAUGHS)
DR DOMINATOR:
Do you want me to destroy every atom in your body? Twice? And then cut off your head?
MAN:
No.
DR DOMINATOR:
Then FIX IT!
MAN:
No can do. The compressors been put under too much stress. It’s gonna conk out any minute.
DR DOMINATOR:
You mean I could lose SuperDog’s head to ambient temperature?!
MAN:
As it happens, I’ve got a fridge back at the lockup with plenty of storage.
DR DOMINATOR:
How much? How much?!
MAN:
£800
DR DOMINATOR:
Ha! And they say I’m crazy!
MAN:
You ain’t gonna get a fridge anywhere else at this time of day.
DR DOMINATOR:
You see that corpse there?
MAN:
The one hanging to the banister by his… by his bits?
DR DOMINATOR:
No. The one next to him.
MAN:
The one nailed to those flames?
DR DOMINATOR:
Yes. He quoted me far too much for a new fan on my oven. If you… know what I mean.
MAN:
Alright! Alright! £795
DR DOMINATOR:
Could you please excuse me? I need to find my atomiser drill.
MAN:
You can split my nuclei into free neutrons and stamp on them if you want, but it’s not going to save your heads, is it?
DR DOMINATOR:
(SIGHS) Do you take cheques?
MAN:
Certainly, mate! And a cup of rosie wouldn’t go a miss either!
DR DOMINATOR:
Oh but of course. Where are my manners? You take a seat.
F/X: CHAIR SCRAPING
DR DOMINATOR:
Not that one. It’s still covered in the gas man’s brains. Take that one.
F/X:
CHAIR SCRAPING
MAN:
Yeah, it’s a good model you’ll be getting. Ex demonstration of course, so there’s no warranty.
F/X: DRILL STARTS UP
MAN: (CONT…) But what are you going to AGGGGHHHHHH!
F/X: DRILL STOPS
DR DOMINATOR: Now, where the hell am I going to keep his head?
ENDS
