A MAN ENTERS A SHOP. A SIGN ABOVE THE DOOR SAYS "FREE CRITIQUE TODAY"
MAN
Hello, I'd like a critique please.
SHOPKEEPER
Certainly sir, do you have a script?
MAN HANDS OVER A BOX FILE. SHOPKEEPER OPENS IT AND LOOKS INSIDE BRIEFLY
SHOPKEEPER
It's shit.
MAN
How dare you insult me! You don't know anything!
SHOPKEEPER
No, I mean it's actually a shit.
WE SEE THE BOX FILE CONTAINS JUST A LARGE STEAMING TURD.
MAN
Whatever, I've had ten thousand votes for this in a competition I've just made up, and BBC3 wants to make it with a big-name lead!
SHOPKEEPER
James Corden?
MAN
How did you know?
SHOPKEEPER
Lucky guess. I still say it's shit though.
MAN
Well, yes, of course it's not my best work.
SHOPKEEPER
Then why should I waste my valuable time on it? Status Report doesn't write itself, you know.
MAN
OK, look, what if I rewrite it like this?
HE TAKES PIECES OF THE SHIT AND JAMS THEM BACK TOGETHER IN A DIFFERENT ORDER
SHOPKEEPER
Hmm, the trouble is, it's still basically shit.
MAN
You haven't even given it a chance!
SHOPKEEPER
OK.
THE SHOPKEEPER TAKES IT GINGERLY AND PUTS IT THROUGH THE SHREDDER
MAN
You've torn it to shreds!
SHOPKEEPER
Yeah, that's called "constructive criticism."
END
