CRISIS - Free script wanted

I'm not new at this so I won't shag-about the shrubs. I want a finished script, ideally one that has been accepted by everyone who's seen it. It must have high revenue potential - hall-of-fame possibilities would be nice too. The characters must all become household names very soon-ish e.g. from the very first airing or broadcast. Annual repeats for the entire future must be gauranteed. Full and total annonimity will be assured and only me and my name will be associatd with the work. No royalties or any other form of payment will be made by me or my agents under the provisions of the Stiffed Writers Act 00123, 2012. Time-wasters please abstain.

It's in the post.

I don't know if you're aware, but I am setting up a very secure service whereby writers send their scripts to me at Joyce@StealMyIdeas.com

We could work together on this if you like. I'll receive the scripts to my inbox and vet them all, discard all the shit ones, then pass on to you only the scripts that meet your above criteria.

Don't worry, I'm completely trustworthy and my service is totally free.

Joyce it might behove to tell a little bit about yourself rather than just ask people to send you scripts.

Thanks for the advice...I'll have a think about it.

I'm sure breaths are bated

Joyce: Do you only steal a writer's own work? Or could I, fo example, nominate stuff by other writers for you to steal?

Oh yes! That would be perfectly fine too. I'm nothing if not adaptable. I know it would probably mean more work for me, but I'm very committed to my...um...service.

I would very much like to have a shower with Melanie C. I believe many people use the Internet these days so if you are reading this Ms C, please PM me for further details. Weekends preferred. Willing to travel but cannot cover your expenses so ensure you possess sufficient funds to support yourself for twenty-three minutes. Other people may not apply.

I actually know Mel C and she's just asked me...to ask you...if the 23 minutes includes your train journey there and back?

I think this train journey's wandering off the tracks. Please avoid shuntings
and concentrate your efforts on getting me my much needed freebie script.
However, scripts sent by rail are acceptable.

Shhh...I'm trying to form friendships here...in order to lull people into a relaxed state. Don't worry, the scripts will soon be flying in (to me) and I think Michael Monkhouse is a very easy target. Marc P also. He uses words like 'behove'. I think we're in for a real treat!

Well in truth I actually used the word behove, not one like it!

See what I mean? We've definitely got a live one here!!

Thank you.