"...and cut!"

Bored of the main project at the moment, so thought I'd distract myself with some other crap. Dug up an old university idea, by which actors would go "off-piste" in famous scenes; much to the dismay of the director. In the meantime, Ricky Gervais has kinda already nailed this with the Keith Chegwin scene on extras, but imitation is flattery, or whatever...

--------------------------------------

During filming, Andy Serkis is dressed-up in full Golem garb, squatting/crawling in front of a large blue screen. Peter Jackson and his assistant director are watching him on the monitor.

Gollum: We wants it, we needs it. Must have the precious. They stole it from us.

Gollum: Sneaky little hobbitses. Wicked, tricksy, false!

Smeagol: No. Not master!

Gollum: Yes, precious, false! They will cheat you, hurt you, LIE.

Smeagol: Master is our friend!

Gollum: You don't have any friends; nobody likes you!

Smeagol: I'm not listening... I'm not listening...

Gollum: You're a liar and a thief.

Smeagol: No!

Peter Jackson looks delighted as Andy Serkis is nailing the role/scene. He excitedly grabs his assistant director, and kisses him on the forehead.

Gollum: Rapist.

Peter Jackson stares blankly into the distance, while the confused assistant director looks closely at his script.

Peter Jackson: ...and cut.

Another crew member is sat nearby frantically flicking through the original Lord of the Rings novel. He then looks at Peter Jackson, and shakes his head.

Peter Jackson: Andy, can I have a word...

I can see how the characters could make this visually funny...

mmmmm I'm not so sure this works, it's only an extension of what exists in the film already and isn't that much of a leap.

If Gollum had suddenly started making out with his Semagol side that would be more of an extreme. (I know same person) So they are just working off some sexual tension with the name calling then just bang start making out. Just a thought.

This I kike neat and a rare succesful use of long build up

Just finish it with pjs shocked reaction

Quite like this.

Could almost keep going, with Andy staying in character(s) arguing about Jackson's merit

King Kong was shit
Not shit but ok, District 9 was good tho
He only had a producer credit on that
His best work was Braindead
No! Bad taste was better

etc

I think the joke is him making one remarkthat's a little too much and within the settingthat's just great.

Could have said porch monkey or paedo or something similar

definitely don't continue it past PJs reaction. That splits the joke.

Thanks for the feedback guys. It's good to know I can cut-and-paste a load of someone else's copyrighted material, drop a rape reference at the end, and get a somewhat-positive reaction.

Generally, I am more in agreement with Sootyj about ending it on 'rapist', rather than taking it further. Some actions/comments are so inappropriate that they don't need reactions from other characters. Plus, I like a muted reaction in the way it suggests defeated and down-trodden resignation (see Tim's lack of reaction to Gareth's Daley Thompson line in The Office, for example).

I was originally going to have Andy Serkis carrying-on as though nothing was wrong, and with the rest of the crew also not noticing anything either. This would have left P.J. looking-around in bewilderment as the scene continued.

I guess, to take it further, Smeagol-Serkis could have angrily refuted the accusation of Golem-Serkis, and thus set Serkis off on a schizophrenic argument with himself, while P.J. again watched-on blankly. Perhaps, ending with P.J. saying "Have you still got Phillip Seymour Hoffmann's phone number?" to his assistant, while Serkis is rolling around on the floor, fighting himself.

You could probably edit the whole thing with the clip.

Then get sued to buggery.

Then end up in prison.

And recieve actual buggery.

What a world.

Completely ignoring your original idea (so sue me) "..and cut" could form the basis of a nice running gag, Fast Show-stylee in the manner of "I'll get my coat"