Lab #52

Playing with a couple of ideas for a short YouTube animation series, be good to see which you think are the best or if they are any good at all. Ta!

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INT. LAB#52

Dr. Inventor
Good Afternoon viewers and welcome to another exciting day in science. Today we are looking at the dangers of time torch. used properly the Time torch is a simple device that projects an image of what ever the torch toches into the past. Excellent for attending family occasions

#Image of a funeral, pan across greaving relatives. Hologram of scientist on a big boi chair in his pants with a cap saying Boson#1#

INT. LAB#52

Dr inventor.
But! In the hands of tom foolery these images can be confusing and dangerous to science challenged people.

INT Opera House

John Wilkes Booth sits behind Abe Lincoln.

INT LAB

A scientist is fighting bare chest with a bear. The torch is shined on the bear.

INT OPERA House

A bear is standing between Abe Lincoln and Booth.

John
Oh my God a bear!

Shot is heard.

Dr. Inventor
A Dark day for science....Any way join me next week when we'll be discussing the cultural relevance or art, in the only way we can. WITH SCIENCE!!!!!

END

Quote: Gavin @ July 30 2012, 10:28 PM BST

used properly the Time torch is a simple device that projects an image of what ever the torch toches into the past.

View original

I'm not sure I understand this bit?

Are you saying that whatever you shine the torch at, you can see that object as it was in the past?

It's a bit confusing, so the rest of the sketch is a bit hard to follow at the moment.

I agree with Lee.

...Darn.

Ok so it's like you shine the torch on something and what ever the torch is shone at is sent back in time as a hologram.

Probably not the best one to start with lol!!

Ok, that's kinda high concept. If you can put it in a simpler way it may work lol.

Maybe start with an example scene of what it does and cut back to Dr Inventor spelling out the dangers as just seen? I agree with others it is confusing/baffling at the moment.

Quote: Gavin @ July 30 2012, 10:28 PM BST

INT. LAB#52

torch toches

Spelling mistake really had me confuzzled...torch or touch?

View original

Agree it's too unclear but I can see there is a good idea behind it and think it would work if you could find a different way of setting it out.

Agree, there's promise here but the torch concept isn't clear enough as it stands.

Sorry Gav, I normally like all your stuff but I am just not buying into the character, settings or plot on this one. I just can't see the funny.

Cheers all Will work on making the setup clearer. Thanks for looking

No probs Will, it's a bit more out there than some of my other stuff. but thanks for reading mate

I can see what you're getting at, but the set up has to be explained more clearly. I don't mean by blasting us with lots of dialogue to help us out...I mean just hinting at answers to questions we might ask. It's sometimes difficult to pre-empt what a reader might not understand about your script. It's easy for you, the writer, because you thought it up, but for us, we need more.

For example, we need to know right away exactly how the torch projects an object back to a specific time, so we can say, 'Oh that's a really good idea' and look forward to the example you're going to give us. Scripts involving science need to be comically specific...great words in silly sentences, or great sentences with silly words, if you know what I mean. It can't all be silly at the same time because, somehow, we need the information.

Also, how does the torch also project the scientist back as a hologram and on what type of screen are we seeing the whole scene? Does the lab have a screen that can see into the past? Do you see what I'm getting at?

All in all, I really love the idea and I think there's a lot of mileage to be had with it. The possibilities are endless really, you just have to think up incredibly ridiculous and fresh scenarios to keep it afloat. I'm sure you already have.

A really funny twist could be the fact that this torch actually needs AA batteries and goes a bit flat sometimes, which causes problems. As I said, there's plenty of scope.

Don't give up on this. I'd really like to see it again!

Once I realised what was happening, I actually liked this.

You could have a reverse tragedy, by which the torch shines on G.W. Bush (Cheney, Nixon, Bush Sr., Reagan, McCarthy, Thatcher - take your pick), and sends his hologram back in time.

In the past, someone who was about to assassinate the president, shoots the hologram instead.

Then for extra macabre, the bullet could subsequently then hit a baby in the forehead.