THE SURGEONS
[ Based on real event that took place whilst I was doing my nurse training at U.C.H, London ]
PART ONE : Set in a traditional Nightingale Ward in an ordinary N.H.S. Hospital.
The Scene : A Consultant [ Mr Morrissey ] and a Junior doctor [ Dr Marr ] approach the bedside of an elderly lady in her 70’s [ Mrs Joyce ].Mr Morrissey is dressed in a suit and tie , Dr Marr in a white coat with trademark stethoscope around his neck.
Mrs Joyce is sat up in bed reading a copy of " Mighty Erections " [ a construction magazine ] dressed in a pink, nylon dressing gown.
Camera turns to the medics standing at the end of the bed.
Mr Morrissey : “ Good evening Mrs Joyce. Sorry it took so long to get to you , we have all been very busy tonight what with the accident at the Brighouse on the Big house. I’m your consultant Mr Morrissey and this is Dr Marr , he’ll be assisting me tomorrow with the surgery”.
Dr Marr : [ Smiles and nods towards Mrs Joyce ]. “ Good evening “.
Camera turns to Mrs Joyce.
Mrs Joyce : “ [ Looks Dr Marr up and down disapprovingly ]. “ Bit young to be a doctor aint he ? “
Camera turns to the medics.
Mr Morrissey : “ Like the Mexicans Mrs Joyce, we’re getting younger and younger “
[ Slight smile, turns to Dr Marr, Dr Marr smiles back ]. “ Well I know my Registrar Mr Rourke has been through the procedure with you and no doubt he has informed you about the possible complications involved in Open heart surgery, but believe you me you couldn’t have a better team looking after you. I just wanted to know if you had any last minute questions ?.”
Camera remains on all three character’s.
Mrs Joyce : [ Looking fed up and miserable ]. “ Well what’s the point in it all. Nobody wants me. I mean I’m only here because my daughter’s kept nagging me and they’re only trying to ease their consciences due to all the nonsense that’s gone on since my Jimmy killed himself. “.
Camera turns to the two medics.
Dr Marr : “ Husband ? “
Camera turns back to Mrs Joyce.
Mrs Joyce : “ Algerian Toyboy..Hung like a Blood Hound "
Mrs Joyce gestures, holds hands 2 feet apart in front of her.
Mrs Joyce :" And to be honest the treatment I have had so far has not been very good at all. The food is disgusting and that old girl over there, [ points at bed opposite ] , the noises she makes at night , well I’m supposed to be resting doctor, precious little chance of that. I haven’t slept a wink since I’ve been here ".
Camera turns to Medics
Medics look at each other, Mr Morrissey raises his eyebrows and gives out a small sigh.
Camera returns to Mrs Joyce
Mrs Joyce : “ 15 month’s I have been waiting for this. Urgent my G.P. put on the form. Now if that’s urgent I’m Jamie Feckin' Oliver and….[ Slight pause ]. Pain, you don’t know what pain is “.
Camera turns to the medics:
Both sat on a chair , leaning back, chatting to each other, cigarette and bottle of lager in hand.
Camera turns back to Mrs Joyce.
Mrs Joyce : “ And to be honest if it does go well tomorrow , what have I got to look forward to, a life with him and his bloody Porn obsession. If I see him thrashing about to another computer generated image of Lisa Tarbuck I’ll swing for him….
[ Voice fades to general moaning ].
Camera returns to Medics
Both are now leaning forward in their chairs , talking to each other, whilst rolling joints on their knees.
Camera turns to Mrs Joyce
Mrs Joyce : “ He’s bone idol, never tidies up after himself , bathes once a fortnight if I’m lucky ...." [ general moaning fades out ]
Camera returns to medics
Both medics are leaning forward , huddled together, smoking joints and giggling to each other.
Camera turns to Mrs Joyce
Mrs Joyce : “ And if Charlie Chaplin called that comedy, well I’d rather watch“…
[ Voice fades to general moaning ].
Camera turns to medics.
Both standing, stoned, eyes closed, swaying to Bob Marley’s “ No woman, no cry “.
Camera stays on them for approx 5 seconds.
Camera returns to Mrs Joyce
Mrs Joyce : “ And cheese….It’s just not the same is it used to be. Well it’s just not, well , cheesy anymore…".[ Voice fades to general moaning ].
Camera returns to the medics
Both now totally gone, sat on the floor in a line of party goers, rocking back and forth, doing rowing movements to, “ Oops upside your head “. Camera stays for approx 5 seconds.
Camera returns to Mrs Joyce
Mrs Joyce : “ So you can see Doctor I’m not too bothered what happens tomorrow ".
Camera returns to all three character’s
Medics look dishevelled.
Mr Morrissey: [ Slightly dazed ] “ Well yes exactly yes, So yes we will see you
tomorrow at about 10 a.m. in the morning. Nice meeting you Mrs Eem.[ Can’t
remember name], “and so will Dr Eem” [ Points to Dr Marr , Dr Marr waves at Mrs
Joyce].
Both medics walk slowly off the ward. Mrs Joyce returns to reading her magazine.
PART TWO
The Scene
Set in high tech operating theatre. Mr Morrissey, Dr Marr, an
anaesthetist, and 3 theatre nurses stand round an unconscious Mrs Joyce. All are working on the open heart surgery.
Camera pans in on Mr Morrissey and Dr Marr
Mr Morrissey turns to Dr Marr
Mr Morrissey : “ I’ll say one thing. She might be a miserable old cow but her hearts in the right place.”.
Other medical staff look at each other and nod in agreement.
