(Did originally stick these on the one-liners thread, but they are a bit long)
-----------------------
(1a) Linford Christie made a shock return to the Olympic competition after the Olympic Committee's rule change regarding "any part of the athlete's body crossing the line".
As well as winning the 100 metres in 4.74 seconds; coincidentally at the same time as the women's high jump, Christie 52, also pipped Oscar Pisorius to take the 400 metres gold.
"There were always rumours about him being gay" said the disappointed South African. "...but I never knew about the acrotomophilia".
However, Team GB were denied Gold in the 4x100m relay, after a disasterous baton change between Christie and Mark Lewis-Francis.
"He grabbed the baton while I was still 30 yards from his exchange zone" said the veteran, 52.
or
(1b) Usain Bolt's hopes to break the 100m World Record in London were crushed after Linford Christie broke the tape in 4.57 seconds during a pre-Olympic exhibition race.
Organisers say that next time they will arrange the women's High Jump for a different day.
------------------
(2) Oscar Pistorius has been banned from the Olympics for doping offences.
He said he wasn't sure how atoms of palladium found their way into his titanium blades.
------------------
(3)
Oscar Pistorius has been banned from the Olympics, after traces of a steroid were found in the South African's bloodstream.
The Olympic anti-doping committee were said to be "not convinced" by his story about not knowing that the steriod was an ingredient in his athlete's foot lotion.
------------------
(4) The Olympic Commitee have made a last-minute decision to change the route for the 2012 sailing events.
Instead of Weymouth, the finish line will now be located in Salisbury.