Two Get It On In Dorset

EXT. DORSET HILLSIDE - NIGHT

TAMZIN and EMMA BOTH WITH TORCHES SEARCH FOR SOMETHING ON THE GROUND.

TAMZIN
I’m scared.

ELLA
Me too, but it’s got to be around here somewhere!

TAMZIN
There it is!

ELLA
Big isn’t it?

TAMZIN
Shall I go first?

ELLA
Yeah. You go for it!

TAMZIN SETTLES HERSELF AMONGST SOME OF THE CHALK MARKINGS.

ELLA
Are you in the right position?

TAMZIN
Yeah, but I didn’t expect it to be round!

ELLA
You must be at an odd angle.

TAMZIN REPOSITIONS HERSELF.

TAMZIN
Just hope those local stories about fertility are right!

ELLA
It's worth a try.

TAMZIN
Anything's worth a try!

ELLA
Comfy?

TAMZIN
Yeah. I can’t feel anything though!

ELLA
I don’t think you’re meant to.

TAMZIN
Hold on... Yes, yes, YES!

ELLA
What are you doing?

TAMZIN
Practising!

ELLA CAREFULLY FOLLOWS THE CHALK OUTLINE WITH HER TORCH.

ELLA
You know, this shape looks really familiar.

TAMZIN
Well, the Cerne Abbas Giant’s in books and stuff!

ELLA
Not like this!

TAMZIN
Huh?

ELLA
It’s got y-fonts on and there’s something crucial missing in the middle!

TAMZIN
(whispers)
Ssh Ella. I’m trying to get to my happy place.

ELLA
There’s no erect bit!

TAMZIN
What!

ELLA
I’m not kidding!

TAMZIN
Then just what am I sitting on?

TAMZIN JUMPS UP. ELLA AND TAMZIN SHINE THEIR TORCHES ONTO THE CHALK OUTLINE.

ELLA
It’s a doughnut!

TAMZIN
And that’s not all!

AS TAMZIN AND ELLA SHINE THEIR TORCHES A LITTLE LOWER THE SMILING FACE OF HOMER SIMPSON COMES INTO VIEW.

Jude I don't get this. And I've seen the big fella in the flesh/chalk.

Hi Godot,

A giant chalk drawing of Homer Simpson (in y-fronts holding up a doughnut) has been drawn next to the Cerne Abbas Giant on a Dorset hillside to promote the new Simpson's Film.

Tamzin and Ella searching in the dark, stumble on the wrong chalk drawing. Hope that makes it clearer.

Edit: Whoops, sorry! Just added the fertility bit.

Hi JUde,

Now you've explained it, it makes perfect sense but just not used to you having to explain.

Thanks Baumski.

Jude, have a bit of dialogue at the start to foreground the Homer Simpson promotion. I really like it. I think it could be positively hilarious if produced. And not a talking inanimate object in sight!

I heard about this before I read it so would've understood.

Some people just don't know about currant affairs - as Homer would probably prefer!

Well done Jude.

As Per... well done... I'd love to see the size of the batteries for her bed side "Magic Bunny"... from the Anne Summers shop in Soho

Quote: David Chapman @ July 18, 2007, 8:27 PM

I heard about this before I read it so would've understood.

Some people just don't know about currant affairs - as Homer would probably prefer!

Well done Jude.

View original

David, I'm glad you're raisin the issue of currant affairs!

Thanks for the advice Fred, I thought something was missing. I'll add a bit of dialouge to the start on the rewrite.

Reiss thanks and I'd love to see those batteries too lol!

Thanks Dave, your finger's always on the pulse!

Quote: Jude @ July 18, 2007, 9:50 PM

Thanks Dave, your finger's always on the pulse!

View original

Just need to check if they're alive or dead!

I think it needs to be much, much shorter. Possibly a 3 cell comic strip. It's a good joke but it needs a pun or something?

Mmmmm fertility. <-- not that though

Thanks Leevil

I'll get my coat and close the virtual door very gently on my way out!

I'll be back when I can think of something funny

Come back in Jude. Half of them on here aren't funny (who said me?) and no-one's as original. Look - I'm holding the virtual door open for you.

Lol, thanks Dave

*Takes coat off, falls flat on face* That's more like it!