This is for the Canal Cafe. Whaddyathink?
INT. DAY. DAVID BECKHAM SITS READY FOR QUESTIONS FROM A THRONG OF TWO JOURNALISTS.
SFX: STAR WARS MUSIC.
Journalist 1:
Hey David, what do you like about being in the States?
David Beckham:
I.. I like the way everyone really understands soccer here, it’s great
Journalist 2:
Hey Dave, think you’ll strike many in the goal bag this year?
David Beckham:
Er, aha, well I’m very much a team player..but my main goal is for my family to be happy.
Journalist 1:
Are you also a member of the Scientology family?
David Beckham:
Victoria was spotted reading a book on scientology yes.
Journalist 1:
And?
David Beckham:
I think she wanted to find a book all about the sciences, you know, biology, physicology and chemicology
Journalist 2:
What’s your favourite, final quarter attack or flank play mid bowl?
David Beckham:
The first one.
Journalist 1:
So what’s your knowledge of American sport?
David Beckham:
I should fit in very easily here – I’m a big fan of American sport.
Journalist 1:
What do you enjoy?
David Beckham:
I like the W.W.F and those monster trucks.
Journalist 1:
Do you follow the World Series?
David Beckham:
No but have you ever seen ‘Britain’s Strongest Man’? Ask me about the Spice Girls reunion.
Journalist 2:
Does Posh still wanna ‘zigazig-aah’?
David Beckham:
She does. Zigazagging will definitely be part of the show, when they tour drive-ins from the north to the south coast.
Journalist 1:
But what does it mean?
David Beckham:
It means we need a new nanny.
HE RUBS HIS HANDS TOGETHER AND LICKS HIS LIPS.
Journalist 2:
Is the offside rule when an off-ensive dude wanders round the back end of de-fensive guys before the ball has been converted?
David Beckham:
I’ll explain it to you later.
Journalist 2:
Can we use ketchup bottles?
David Beckham:
As long as F.I.F.A allow them
HE LAUGHS TOO HARD AND THE JOURNALISTS STARE BLANKLY.
Journalist 1:
Last question: describe brand Beckham.
David Beckham:
Well. If it was two people they would be galactic, pointy, greedy and would be gurning all the way to the bank.
Journalist 2:
I think we all agree, Brand Beckham is the real shit. David Beckham thank you.
APPLAUSE.
