Foodie Last Supper

Hello to all. First go at this

Foodie Last supper

Scene - A candlelit room, a typical film depiction of the last Supper

JC- With this bread and wine we....

Apostle- Is it Gluten free?

JC- Pardon?

Apostle 1 - Is the bread gluten free?

JC- Well I'm not sure...

Apostle 2 I thought he was supposed to be all knowing

Apostle 3 No, that's his Dad

Apostle 4 What Joseph? I know him, he's a good lad

Apostle 3 No... the other one, you know (sneakily points up)

Apostle 4 Oh, his (makes quotes with fingers) 'Father'

JC - As I was saying, with this bread and wine...

Apostle 2 Just a small drop for me, early start in the morning

Apostle 3 Have you got any white? Red always gives me heartburn

Apostle 4 Is it Merlot again?

Apostle 1 Is it organic?

Various Voices from background- Have you any wholegrain? Some artisan cheese would be nice! How about some Houmous?

JC - give me strength! ( Rolls eyes and gives nod to Apostle counting coins nearest door (presumably Judas) who then exits. we then see JC swigging wine and tearing chunks off the bread as the apostles continue to argue about food around him)

First go? It's good.(Trans: I like it.) Not too long, either.

I liked this, maybe at the end have Jesus say ''God' give me strength.

Fun! Good stuff. Probably needs a clearer exit.

Thanks for the opinions,nice to hear what other people think.

This is some nice dialogue and economically written.

But there's nothing very fresh going on here. And it feels more like an extract from a bigger piece than a sketch in its self.

I wonder if you were to feature Herrod as I dunno a chav ordering mini kievs? Or a food critic who betrays Christ?

Great premise, but most of the sketch is a digression on Jesus' paternity. You should concentrate on milking the foodie angle.

It's an amusing start, but I think you need to go somewhere with it.

Perhaps, just one of the disciples is annoying, interrupintg Jesus' ginal address, talking about allergies and so on, criticising the wine, arguing over the bill, and anything else that people might do in contemporary restaurants. How about, "Take, eat, this is my body, keep you in eternal life"; "Oh no, I'm vegetarian"? In the end he's pushed out of the garden by JC and written out of history. Judas is the bouncer.

They're not amazing ideas, I admit, but you know, a little bit of direction could give you a funny little sketch.

Edit: Oh, basiclaly what Sooty said Sorry, didn't spot that.

Thanks to all for the pointers. I'll have a bit of a play around with it and see what happens.

Yes, and after that you can have another go at the sketch....

Finished playing around with it (and the sketch) Second go. Slightly longer and more food

Scene - A candlelit room, a typical film depiction of the last Supper

JC- With this bread and wine we....

Peter- Is it Gluten free?

JC- Pardon?

Peter - Is the bread gluten free?

JC- Well I'm not sure...

James- I thought he was supposed to be all knowing

Mark- No, that's his Dad

James- What Joseph? I know him, he's a good lad

Mark- No, the other one, you know (sneakily points up)

James- Oh, his (makes quotes with fingers) 'Father'

JC - As I was saying, with this bread and wine...

Peter- (Pulls out bag) it's OK I've bought some nibbles...now was it you Thomas that wanted the houmous ?

Thomas- I Doubt it

Peter- Well there's enough for everyone, dig in. There's tomatoes as well ,organic,of course. Ooh you've no idea how hard it is getting good Tomatoes in Judea in Spring!

Thomas- (Calls across the table) Jesus? Have you got any white? Red always gives me heartburn

James- Is it Merlot again? You do know there are other grape varieties?

Thomas- I hear Gaul have started producing some lovely whites

Mark- Oh there's a great vintner just opened down on the high street

Peter- I know the one! we bought some lovely Galilean Rose from them last week, Right next door to 'Cheeses of Nazareth',oh their Brie is to die for

Mark- I know. Have you tried the..

JC- (interrupting) Excuse me,If you two have quite finished I'm in a bit of a hurry tonight so can we get a move on?

Room quietens

JC- Thank you...Right...If you're all quite finished...I'll try again (harsh glance at Peter) This bread and wine will become my body and blood

Peter- Body? Blood? You do know I'm a vegetarian don't you Jesus?

Thomas- How's that working out for you?

Peter- Pretty good, it was hard at first but Levi the greengrocer puts aside some lovely home grown veg for me, and you can do marvellous things with couscous and aubergines

JC- God give me strength! (looks skywards whispers "sorry") Will you lot shut up, and let me get on with this!

Loud banging on door

JC- Judas have a look and see who it is

Judas- (Counting out pieces of silver) 22,23,24..oh you've made me lose count now! (gets up and reluctantly goes to the door) Romans!

JC- (Sighs) Come one come all...Well let them in, let them in (mumbles never going to bloody get this done at this rate) Ah, Centurion what can we do for you this evening

Centurion - There's been reports of an unlawful gathering and under section 21 b of the Imperial penal... (pauses, sniffs the air) is that Falafel I can smell?

Peter- Help yourself officer, plenty to go round. James budge up and let the centurion sit down

The Centurion sits down and starts tucking in

JC - Right I've had enough of this. How come we can never have a simple meal without it turning into a sodding banquet? All I wanted was a simple sit down with my mates! In the old days you were happy with loaves and fishes but now it's all sautéed this and lightly drizzled that, well I've bloody had it up to here with the lot of you! I'm off out to the garden to pray, if any of you give a monkeys.

Jesus storms out of the door. Judas waits, looking shifty, then sneakily slips out as well.

Peter - (calling out) Be out soon (turns attention to the Roman) You've got to try this honey cake, James made it fresh this morning...

I think all you've done is make it longer. I'd prefer the original with the Judas losing count as an ending.

I liked both versions, the first one was a bit tighter than the 2nd. There are so many tangents that you could go off on with this story though. For instance Joseph could have been a cowboy builder that had stiffed one of the apostles for money maybe even Judas which might explain why he grassed Jesus up. Good stuff though.

Not sure myself which version I prefer.I like the short version for it's ..well..shortness. But I did enjoy expanding on the original.Food for thought for the future.Thanks to all for the feedback

I don't agree that you've just made it longer. There's some good new stuff there. There's also probably some fat you could trim but all in all a good sketch