British Comedy Guide

KI: Perfect Site

Hi all, I don't post on here often, but submit regularly to Newsjack, so thought I'd have a go at Kirrin Island as well. Thanks for reading.

FX: COUNTRYSIDE SOUNDS. CAMERA SHUTTERS.

JOURNALIST 1:
Ms Greening, Minister for Transport, can you tell us why you've called a press conference here today?

JUSTINE:
Yes, I'd like to direct your attention to these beautiful green fields, the sheep quietly grazing, the farmers lovingly tilling the soil, and ask you to imagine, for a moment, what a fantastic site this would be for a new high-speed rail line.

JOURNALIST 2:
And what about opposition from local residents and countryside campaigners?

JUSTINE:
Absolutely none. That's the best thing about this place. No petitions, no meetings, no instructions about sticking high-speed rails up certain parts of my anatomy. It's perfect. One more question.

JOURNALIST 3:
Yes, I was just wondering. We all understand the need to find a site with less opposition. But isn't this supposed to be the set for the Olympic opening ceremony?

Share this page