Just spunked this one out this morning. Particularly not sure where it should end. What d'ya reckon? Worreva NEwayz like lol.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~~
INT. CHILL-OUT ROOM. DAY.
A trendy music JOURNO and a walking, talking hip-hop video of a man, MC GHETTO-WRAPS lounge on brightly coloured sofas.
JOURNO
So tell us, MC Ghetto-wraps, why has this album been so successful?
MC GHETTO-WRAPS
Yeah, basically it's jus' 'cuz I'm sick, I'm ruff, an' I ain't big-headed, but I'm da illes' rapper ever, bruv.
JOURNO
And what makes you so ill?
MC GHETTO-WRAPS
'Cos I can rhyme any word with any other word. I bend words to **my** will.
JOURNO
Can you give us a quick lyrical splurge right now?
MC GHETTO-WRAPS (he looks around)
Okay, it's like, I can rhyme (sees washing up liquid) 'fairy liquid' wiv... 'fork'.
JOURNO
...How does that work then?
MC GHETTO-WRAPS (snorts derisively)
It's easy, bruv. Yeah, check it, it's like, (raps) I'm wiv the fairy liquid.. cleanin' dis fork! (looks smug)
JOURNO
Did that rhyme?
MC GHETTO-WRAPS
Course it did. Check it again. (very slowly) I'm wiv da fair-y LIQ-**QUORD-K**, cleanin' dis **FORK**. D'ya get me?
JOURNO
And that's why you're multiplatinum.
MC GHETTO-WRAPS
You **know** dat(!)
JOURNO
Okay, let's play a little game. I'll give you some words, and you fashion a sick and thoroughly ill rhyme out of them, okay?
MC GHETTO-WRAPS
Ee-zee!
JOURNO
Okay, here we go. Blunts--
MC GHETTO-WRAPS (excitedly)
Sick bruv!
JOURNO
--and mango.
MC GHETTO-WRAPS (looks confused)
(mouthes) 'Mango'?
Yeah, check it, check it. I'm cotchin' rollin' blunts, **yo**! I'm sitting eatin' man**go**! Brrp!
JOURNO
Hmm, pretty good. Another one: sex--
MC GHETTO-WRAPS
Siiiick!
JOURNO
--And antidisestablishmentarianism.
MC GHETTO-WRAPS
Eh? Woteva.
He starts beat-boxing, badly. Holding his imaginary earphones as if listening.
MC GHETTO-WRAPS (cont.)
Mike check mike check.
JOURNO looks about confused
MC GHETTO-WRAPS (cont.)
People dey say I'm sex-**ist**, ta, ta, ta, ta, but at least I ain't antidisestablishmentarianism-**ist**, ta, ta, ta, ta.
JOURNO
That **was** ill in the true sense of the word
MC GHETTO-WRAPS nods his head as if to say "you better recognise".
JOURNO
Okay, finally: orange--
MC GHETTO-WRAPS
Don't be f**kin' dumb! Nuffing rhymes wiv orange. You disgrace yourself.
JOURNO
Hear me out. And "door hinge"
MC GHETTO-WRAPS
...Da f**k? It ain't a "dorringe", bruv, it's a "doooor hinge". Do I need to teach you some English, Mistar big Journalist man?
JOURNO
Well, Eminem could rhyme them.
MC GHETTO-WRAPS's face goes stone cold.
MC GHETTO-WRAPS
I don't wanna hear about that punk arse bitch!
JOURNO
Funny, NME even claimed you "bit" (makes air quotes) his style, "yo".
MC GHETTO-WRAPS looks around angered, not knowing what to do or say.
MC GHETTO-WRAPS
Shit!
MC GHETTO-WRAPS storms off.
JOURNO
Come back, Master Popadopoulis, you forgot your... (looks closely) plastic sovereign.
END.