KI: Public Order Act Reform

EXT. ALLEYWAY

GRAMS: EERIE MUSIC

SFX: FOOTSTEPS

A MAN IS GAGGED.

MAN:
(GAGGED) Mmm! Mmmmm!

ACTIVIST:
Now sir, you're probably wondering why I've just snuck up on you, grabbed you and gagged you! Well, I'll tell you - it's because I want you to endorse my campaign to abolish section five of the Public Order Act.

MAN:
Mmmm!

ACTIVIST:
You see, what I'm doing to you right now, is kind of a metaphor for what section five is doing to free speech.

MAN:
Mmmm!

ACTIVIST:
Now, I know what you're thinking - just what exactly does section five actually say? Well, I'll tell you!

MAN:
Mmmm!

ACTIVIST:
Section five criminalises words which are deemed to be 'insulting'. So for instance, if I were to tell you that your mother's a graduate of Tart University, or label you a 'decrepit old tosspot', I could find myself liable for prosecution!

MAN:
Mmmm!

ACTIVIST:
Now, don't get me wrong! I realise that it's unpleasant to be referred to in such terms, especially in your case - as it's an uncomfortably accurate description.

MAN:
Mmmm!

ACTIVIST:
Nevertheless, I truly believe in the old 'sticks and stones' adage. To me, hurt feelings are neither equal to nor worse than broken bones. So, what do you say - are you with me?

AFTER A BEAT:

MAN:
(BREATHLESS) You wanker!

ACTIVIST:
That's the spirit!

Very good sketch. Strong clear concept. Punchline follows from the setup.

I hope you'll forgive some edit suggestions (use or lose these as you see fit).

[quote]
ACTIVIST:
Now, I know what you're thinking - just what exactly does section five actually say? Well, I'll tell you!
[\quote]

I think either cut this line or make it funny. I couldn't think of a killer gag for it. So if it was me I'd cut it.

[quote]
ACTIVIST:
Now, I know what you're thinking - just what exactly does section five actually say? Well, I'll tell you!
[\quote]

Good - but can the insults be more outlandish? "You have the personal hygiene of a slovenly baboon." etc.

If it was my sketch I'd also try and cut some of the remaining words down a bit - to reduce the gap between funny bits to the minimum possible. But I always say that. Especially about my own sketches.

Quote: groovydude89 @ May 29 2012, 6:58 PM BST

ACTIVIST:
Section five criminalises words which are deemed to be 'insulting'. So for instance, if I were to tell you that your mother's a graduate of Tart University, I'd be liable for prosecution!

View original

I thought this was great, but I agree with David, there are lines that could be shortened. I'd shorten this one to what is above. (IMO) You haven't lost anything by making this change, but you get to the point a bit quicker.

I agree with David Especially about the need for more inventive insults.

I think the ending is okay but is there any scope for a twist of some description? If the guy he attacked was the main proponent for Section 5 there may be an interesting way of turning it on its head.

Good sketch though. Nice one.

Dan

I'd echo what's been said above. Nice sketch idea just needs a little tweaking.

Could you shorten the bit to get to describing Section 5 that would be good and perhaps spend a little longer on the insults. And as someone said could you make the insults a little more original or even topical (e.g. your mamma's so poor even Greece lent her money or the suchlike. Plenty of scope with Terry, Barton, Lib Dems etc. for abuse)

And I agree with Dan if the ending looks like it's going to end with abuse it might be funnier to turn it on its head.

Here's the second draft:

EXT. ALLEYWAY

GRAMS: EERIE MUSIC

SFX: FOOTSTEPS

A MAN IS GAGGED.

MAN:
(GAGGED) Mmm! Mmmmm!

ACTIVIST:
Now sir, you're probably wondering why I've just snuck up on you, grabbed you and gagged you! Well, thankfully is NOT an assault - so you relax!

MAN:
Mmmmm!

ACTIVIST:
What I'm doing is actually kind of a metaphor; for what section five of the Public Order Act is doing to free speech!

MAN:
Mmmm!

ACTIVIST:
You see, section five criminalises words which are deemed to be 'insulting'. So for instance, if I were to claim that your mother's a graduate of Tart University, I could end up being locked up!

MAN:
Mmmm!

ACTIVIST:
Now, don't get me wrong! I realise it must be unpleasant to hear your mother referred to in such terms. Especially as she's probably six feet under or not far off.

MAN:
Mmmm!

ACTIVIST:
Nevertheless, I still stick by the old 'sticks and stones' adage. To me, hurt feelings are neither equal to nor worse than broken bones. So, what do you say - are you with me?

AFTER A BEAT:

MAN:
(BREATHLESS) Get your grubby little hands off me, you bastard!

ACTIVIST:
That's the spirit! (BEAT) Now call me a 'bitch' and spank me!