KI - Karma

MAN 1 is sat at a desk. MAN 2 enters and sits opposite him

Man 1 - Thanks for coming. Do you know why you're here?

Man 2 - A pay rise?

Man 1 - Sort of - you're sacked

Man 2 - What? Why?

Man 1 - Well how do you think your role in the Karma distribution centre is going?

Man 2 - I'm still finding my feet

Man 1 - So are the victims of the Lockerbie bomber but it took you until now to get revenge

Man 2 - I've been super busy. I killed the last pope

Man 1 - No one asked you to!

Man 2 - You said kill the religious nutter in a dress

Man 1 - I meant Osma Bin Laden! What about that list I gave you?

Man 2 - I'm working on it

Man 1 - What about Simon Cowell?

Man 2 - He's one glory hole away from a major STD

Man 1 - Convicted peadophile and more importantly annoyingly catchy song writer Gary Glitter? No one wants to be in your gang, Gary!

Man 2 - I gave him a pack of cigarettes and a lighter! Please give me another chance. I'll do anything. Anything

Man 1 - Fine. Just because I'm a nice guy. You can stay

Man 2 - I won't let you down

Man 1 - This is your new priority

MAN 1 hands MAN 2 a slip of paper

Man 2 - Santa?
Man 1 - I'm still waiting for that bike

END

I don't think this is topical enough to be honest.

It's also just two people talking and, to me, there doesn't seem to be a point to the sketch.

Dan

Thanks for the feedback dan. So you think it would be better if something actually happened rather than the talking?

Yeah, it would (in all sketches, in fact, regardless of what it's for).

However, in this case, it seems to me that the main point of the sketch is just to bang out three quick gags, so the first thing I'd do is figure out what point the sketch is trying to make, then worry about action.

Dan

If the premise remained the same - a boss telling off an employee - but the jokes were stronger and the punchline was stronger would that work? (in theory) Or do you believe a sketch needs to be more exciting?

My feeling here is that the boss telling off the employee needs to be something worthwhile, have a point and, as you say, be more exciting. It could do with this being a topical slant on this/some political figures being told off for something in the news.

Then, all your jokes need to be funny spins/outcomes on that particular story rather than the unconnected jokes you have above.

Dan

At the risk of disagreeing with Dan (surely not!) I think the concept here is quite strong. But needs to be much clearer. And the sketch is not topical and not really Kirrin Island.

I would rewrite it to bring out the fact that the sketch is about Karma failing to hit it's targets. I would state the premise more clearly in the setup and then make the target/what could happen to the targets more outlandish and amusing.

Structurally go for:
1. Setup premise.
2. Killer target gag
3. Even more killer target gag
4. Kilerest target gag.
5. Switch/punch like you've got.

If only I could think of a few killer gags.

Now I shouldn't be spending so much time on this as it's not going to work for KI anyway!

I agree with Dan I'm not quite sure what the angle is for this to be a topical story and it's not immediately obvious what the point of the sketch is.

Would it work better with people who've recently died (or got their comeuppance) e.g. more focused around Megrahi or Sarkoszy or similar?

Also could tie being sacked into the Beechcroft report.

And think it then needs to work towards a punchline of who the next target, something more topical than Santa.

In short I'd ask why would you expect this to be in a show about recent events?

thanks for all the advice. To be honest the only topical thing is the lockerbie bomber and I thought that was enough, but see now it's not. got some advice though so it worked as a learning curve if not a sketch