Happy to amend this to whatever atrocity the UN are ignoring in two weeks.
UN REPHello Sir, welcome to the UN. How can I help?
ABDI am the Yemeni President; Abd Rabbo Hadi Mansour and we have suffered a terrible suicide bombing. You must help.
UN REPNot a problem, just a sec [SOUND OF RUNNING AND DOOR SLAMMING, AS IF HE'S JUST DASHED INTO ANOTHER ROOM] Right, good news, we've passed a resolution
ABDYou are going to provide troops to help quell the rise of Al Qaeda in my country?
UN REPNot so much, No. We're going to condemn the attack.
ABDThat is all?
UN REPYeah, good point, one moment. [MORE RUNNING AND SLAMMING] Right, amended the resolution. We're actually condemning it in the strongest possible terms. That'll show them.
ABDSo, the UN's response to the horrendous act of terror in my country is to get a bit cross?
UN REP'Very cross' is the exact words of the resolution. We've got some personal condemnations as well, David Cameron called it a dreadful attack...eh? Pretty strong stuff there I'd say
ABDI don't care
UN REPOh come on, we had to work hard to get that, he was just going to blame the previous Labour Government.
ABDWhat about America?
UN REPEr...let me see, 'Cowardly.' Oooo, that'll get where it hurts won't it, the big...erm, cowards.
ABDBut these, these are all just words. What action are you going to take?
UN REPAction? Ha! This is the UN mate.
ABDCan I borrow your phone?
UN REPWe'll need to pass a resolution...oh, go on, seeing as how you've been a victim of a shocking act of terrorism and all that.
ABDHello? Al Qaeda? Yemen here. We're in.