British Comedy Guide

Half-written Eurovision Sketch

Half done, just for Sooty.

RODGER IS WALKING AROUND THE LOUNGE WITH A COUPLE OF SHEETS OF PAPER IN HIS HAND. THE ROOM FEATURES A STANDARD SIZED TABLE, A KEYBOARD / ORGAN (ANY TYPE OR SIZE) ON A SMALLER TABLE AND A STOOL.

NICK ENTERS THE ROOM, LOOKING A BIT FLUSTERED, CARRYING AN OVERNIGHT BAG OF CLOTHING.

NICK:
Sorry I'm so late. The flight was delayed.

RODGER:
At least you made it in one piece.

NICK:
Is it ready?

RODGER:
Not...exactly.

NICK:
But you're almost done, right?

RODGER:
I'm still kind of working on the tune.

NICK STARTS TO UNPACK ITEMS FROM HIS OVERNIGHT BAG ONTO THE EMPTY TABLE

NICK:
Well let's hear what you've got so far.

RODGER:
Okay.

RODGER SITS AT THE KEYBOARD, DOES A COUPLE OF FINGER STRETCHING EXERCISES, THEN STARTS OFF WITH A LOUD, MULTI-NOTE SOUND.

THERE IS AN EXPECTANT PAUSE FROM NICK.

RODGER:
Well?

NICK HURRIEDLY STARTS TO REPACK HIS BAG

NICK:
What about the budget?

RODGER:
Oh yes.

RODGER(SINGING):
'What the government gives you in one hand, it takes away with the other. They do it with a smile on their face, your friendly neighbourhood mugger'.

NICK:
Not THE Budget. OUR Budget, the one for coming up with the song.

RODGER:
Oh, I spent that on Bucks Fizz.

NICK:
You spent our entire budget on getting the assistance of a previous Eurovision winner?

RODGER:
Not THAT 'Bucks Fizz'. Champagne and orange juice. I had eighty quid. For that I could only get Cheryl and Bobby, so I figured a decent drink might be more inspiring.

NICK:
Pass me a glass, I need inspiration.

RODGER POURS AND PASSES NICK A GLASS OF BUCKS FIZZ

NICK STARTS TO DRINK IT.

HE SPITS IT OUT.

NICK:
Jesus. That's rancid. It has no taste and makes me want to throw up.

RODGER:
Why do you think they called it 'Bucks Fizz'?

--------END---------------

I missed the competition deadline, so left it half finished.

Might make a nice quilt..

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