KI : Goodbye Reality

Here is my first attempt at a KI sketch. Hope it's ok.

REPORTER (SALLY):
When the british entrepreneurial spirit has unprotected sex with the economy, does it give birth to a new job?. Frank Todger, Kirrin Islands resident inventor certainly thinks so. Frank

FRANK:
I do indeed Sally. Look, to get Britain back on its feet we've got to get back to making things again. It's something I talk about a lot in my Podcast "Look, we've got to get back to making things again".

SALLY:
And you've been very busy making things again haven't you Frank.

FRANK:
Busy? I've been going bareback Sally. I think I might have something interesting to show you though. Something that could eradicate the worlds problems in one go.

SALLY:
I'm intrigued.

FRANK:
Just think what life would be like if we humans could inhabit the virtual, rather than the real world.

SALLY:
Like the Matrix films?

FRANK:
I think you'll find there was only one Matrix film. Just like there were only three Star Wars films. And no John Carter film.

SALLY:
Go on.

FRANK:
Everyone would have food and shelter in their nutrient pods. Any land disputes could be settled by adding another hard drive. Or you could make space by deleting France.

SALLY:
Let's say we do all eventually move into these pods. Who's going to clean them. Maintain them.

FRANK:
Robots. Here's a schematic.

FX RUSTING OF PAPER

SALLY:
It's a drawing of C3PO with a brillo pad.

FRANK:
Spot on.

SALLY:
Erm, ok, you've got food, shelter, peaceful existence and robotic help all sorted. What do you do about sex?

FRANK:
Fleshlight, every time. (beat) Oh you mean in the virtual world, errr

SALLY:
Perhaps now would be a good time for a demo.

FRANK:
Certainly, you're standing right by it.

SALLY:
This motorcycle helmet and vacuum cleaner hoses?

FRANK:
You betcha. The hoses are waste tubes, male adaptor only I'm afraid. Although, I have got a female adaptor prototype if you'd like to (beat)

SALLY:
Not a chance.

FRANK:
Fair enough. Probably for the best. Since the window starting sticking I've nowhere to put the tubes.

SALLY:
Ok, I'm putting the helmet on. It's very dark. Wait a minute, what's this. Windows 95 is starting?

FRANK:
Let me know if it blue screens.

SALLY:
Ok, I'm in. Something is coming up.

FRANK:
Excellent. Put on the sensory feedback facilitators.

SALLY:
These mittens with the crocodile clips on them?

FRANK:
Yes. Are you in?

SALLY:
Wow. I am. It's a virtual reality copy of this room. This is incredible. I can touch things. Look around. Hang on, I'm going to stand up and walk outside.

FRANK:
You can't do that?

SALLY:
Pardon?

FRANK:
It's taken ten years, and all my life savings just to render this room.

SALLY:
Ten years and the only place you can go is the room you're already sitting in? Why didn't you recreate the Sistene Chapel? Or a beautiful beach at sunrise? Or, and I'm very surprised you missed this, a brothel?.

FRANK:
The power of hindsight eh? What would we change if we had it?

SALLY:
I'd have certainly taken the bloody blue pill, that's for sure.

I liked it.
Some really funny lines.
I preferred the first half to the second
It faded a little bit for me at the end.

Thanks Steve. I've added a few more gags to the end and chopped out the bit with the mittens. Sound better?

REPORTER (SALLY):
When the british entrepreneurial spirit has unprotected sex with the economy, does it give birth to a new job?. Frank Todger, Kirrin Islands resident inventor certainly thinks so. Frank

FRANK:
I do indeed Sally. Look, to get Britain back on its feet we've got to get back to making things again. It's something I talk about a lot in my Podcast "Look, we've got to get back to making things again".

SALLY:
And you've been very busy making things again haven't you Frank.

FRANK:
Busy? I've been going bareback Sally. I think I might have something interesting to show you though. Something that could eradicate the worlds problems in one go.

SALLY:
I'm intrigued.

FRANK:
Just think what life would be like if we humans could inhabit the virtual, rather than the real world.

SALLY:
Like the Matrix films?

FRANK:
I think you'll find there was only one Matrix film. Just like there were only three Star Wars films. And no John Carter film.

SALLY:
Go on.

FRANK:
Everyone would have food and shelter in their nutrient pods. Any land disputes could be settled by adding another hard drive. Or you could make space by deleting France.

SALLY:
Let's say we do all eventually move into these pods. Who's going to clean them. Maintain them.

FRANK:
Robots. Here's a schematic.

FX RUSTING OF PAPER

SALLY:
It's a drawing of C3PO with a brillo pad.

FRANK:
Spot on.

SALLY:
Erm, ok, you've got food, shelter, peaceful existence and robotic help all sorted. What do you do about sex?

FRANK:
Fleshlight, every time. (beat) Oh you mean in the virtual world, errr

SALLY:
Perhaps now would be a good time for a demo.

FRANK:
Certainly, you're standing right by it.

SALLY:
This motorcycle helmet and vacuum cleaner hoses?

FRANK:
You betcha. The hoses are waste tubes, male adaptor only I'm afraid. I have got a female adaptor prototype if you're interested.

SALLY:
What's that look like?

FRANK:
It's the same as the male adaptor but with a funnel duck taped on the end.

SALLY:
I'll pass.

FRANK:
Fair enough. Probably for the best. I normally stick the tubes out of the window, but it's killing off my roses.

SALLY:
Ok, I'm putting the helmet on. It's very dark. Wait a minute, what's this. Windows 95 is starting?

FRANK:
Let me know if it blue screens.

SALLY:
Ok, I'm in. Something is coming up. Wow. It's a virtual reality copy of this room. This is incredible. I can touch things. Look around. Hang on, I'm going to stand up and walk outside.

FRANK:
You can't do that?

SALLY:
Pardon?

FRANK:
It's taken ten years, my youth, my waistline, all my hair and all my life savings just to render this room alone. I was going to start on the hall next month once I've sold my car.

SALLY:
Ten years and the only place you can go is the room you're already sitting in? Why didn't you recreate the Sistene Chapel? Or a beautiful beach at sunrise? Or, and I'm very surprised you missed this, an accommodating knocking shop?.

FRANK:
The power of hindsight eh? What would we change if we had it?

SALLY:
I'd have certainly taken the bloody blue pill, that's for sure.

FRANK:
Busy? I've been going bareback Sally. I think I might have something interesting to show you though. Something that could eradicate the worlds problems in one go.

SALLY:
I'm intrigued.

I think these could go without loss.

FRANK:
Fleshlight, every time. (beat) Oh you mean in the virtual world, errr

I'd rewrite or lose this one

And although I love the blue pill line is it one where you have to get the reference?

It has so many other bits that made me laugh while reading that I hope it's one that works.

I like it. Steve's right about what it could lose without any trouble.

'Adding another hard drive' line is great.

Dan

Really like this, some great lines.

I don't like the fleshlight line either. I like the intention of the gag but it seems a little too blunt to me.

Thanks for the comments everyone. Glad you like the majority of it. Hopefully it will get used.

Quote: Steve Sunshine @ May 24 2012, 10:18 PM BST

FRANK:
Busy? I've been going bareback Sally. I think I might have something interesting to show you though. Something that could eradicate the worlds problems in one go.

SALLY:
I'm intrigued.

I think these could go without loss.

View original

Yeah fair point I guess they don't add much apart from the bareback gag which may be too crude.

Quote: Overlay @ May 25 2012, 5:01 PM BST

I don't like the fleshlight line either. I like the intention of the gag but it seems a little too blunt to me.

View original

It is quite blunt isn't it. Perhaps something like

...

What do you do about sex?

FRANK:
Not much. Normal women have been ruined for me ever since I clapped eyes on Seven of Nine. (beat) Oh you mean in the virtual world, errr

or

FRANK:
Not much at the moment, I'm waiting for my restraining order to expire.

or

FRANK:
Not much. I had a terrible experience with my landlady two years ago and have been celibate ever since.

or

FRANK:
Nothing. My libido hasn't been the same since I bought some ill fitting pants from M&S.

etc

Maybe just scrap it

I'd echo all of Steve S's comments above about what could be trimmed but the rest is a really nice sketch.

(I don't get blue pill either and am scared to type Fleshlight into Google!)

On the 'sex' line perhaps the joke could be you think he's talking about the virtual world. For example:

'All done by robots, Oh you mean in the virutal world'. Or something.

My only reservation is finding more of a reason for it in the podcast. I'm not sure 'we need to make more things' would be enough. Can you find a technology story you could link it to? Otherwise it feels a little too much like a sketch crowbarred into a topcial show.

Although a good sketch crowbarred in...

Quote: StephenM @ May 31 2012, 5:43 PM BST

I'd echo all of Steve S's comments above about what could be trimmed but the rest is a really nice sketch.

View original

Cheers Stephen.

Quote: StephenM @ May 31 2012, 5:43 PM BST

(I don't get blue pill either and am scared to type Fleshlight into Google!)

View original

If you've not seen the Matrix it won't mean anything (the blue pill line that is).

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zE7PKRjrid4

As for the Fleshlight line I'm happy for it to go and came up with a few alternatives a bit lower down in the post.

Quote: StephenM @ May 31 2012, 5:43 PM BST

My only reservation is finding more of a reason for it in the podcast. I'm not sure 'we need to make more things' would be enough. Can you find a technology story you could link it to? Otherwise it feels a little too much like a sketch crowbarred into a topcial show.

Although a good sketch crowbarred in...

View original

Yeah, it's certainly not based on one story in particular. I just took the topical theme of rebalancing the economy and tried to do something different with it.

In fact, I still think if someone could invent it, it would solve all our problems

Ok, I've edited the sketch with some of the suggestions. Hope it's regarded as topical enough.

REPORTER (SALLY):
When the british entrepreneurial spirit has unprotected sex with the economy, does it give birth to a new job?. Frank Todger, Kirrin Islands resident inventor certainly thinks so. Frank

FRANK:
I do indeed Sally. Look, to get Britain back on its feet we've got to get back to making things again. It's something I talk about a lot in my Podcast "Look, we've got to get back to making things again".

SALLY:
And you've been very busy making things again haven't you Frank.

FRANK:
Just think what life would be like if we humans could inhabit the virtual, rather than the real world.

SALLY:
Like the Matrix films?

FRANK:
I think you'll find there was only one Matrix film. Just like there were only three Star Wars films. And no John Carter film.

SALLY:
Go on.

FRANK:
Everyone would have food and shelter in their nutrient pods. Any land disputes could be settled by adding another hard drive. Or you could make space by deleting France.

SALLY:
Let's say we do all eventually move into these pods. Who's going to clean them. Maintain them.

FRANK:
Robots. Here's a schematic.

FX RUSTING OF PAPER

SALLY:
It's a drawing of C3PO with a brillo pad.

FRANK:
Spot on.

SALLY:
Erm, ok, you've got food, shelter, peaceful existence and robotic help all sorted. What do you do about sex?

FRANK:
I mainly rely on women feeling sorry for me.(beat) Oh you mean in the virtual world, errr

SALLY:
Perhaps now would be a good time for a demo.

FRANK:
Certainly, you're standing right by it.

SALLY:
This motorcycle helmet and vacuum cleaner hoses?

FRANK:
You betcha. The hoses are waste tubes, male adaptor only I'm afraid. I have got a female adaptor prototype if you're interested.

SALLY:
What's that look like?

FRANK:
It's the same as the male adaptor but with a funnel duck taped on the end.

SALLY:
I'll pass.

FRANK:
Fair enough. Probably for the best. I normally stick the tubes out of the window, but it's killing off my roses.

SALLY:
Ok, I'm putting the helmet on. It's very dark. Wait a minute, what's this. Windows 95 is starting?

FRANK:
Let me know if it blue screens.

SALLY:
Ok, I'm in. Something is coming up. Wow. It's a virtual reality copy of this room. This is incredible. I can touch things. Look around. Hang on, I'm going to stand up and walk outside.

FRANK:
You can't do that?

SALLY:
Pardon?

FRANK:
It's taken ten years, my youth, my waistline, all my hair and all my life savings just to render this room alone. I was going to start on the hall next month once I've sold my car.

SALLY:
Ten years and the only place you can go is the room you're already sitting in? Why didn't you recreate the Sistene Chapel? Or a beautiful beach at sunrise? Or, and I'm very surprised you missed this, an accommodating knocking shop?.

FRANK:
The power of hindsight eh? What would we change if we had it?

SALLY:
I'd have certainly taken the bloody blue pill, that's for sure.