FIT FOR PURPOSE
COMMENTATOR:
Across the land Olympic fever has seen heath clubs and fitness centres swamped with people joining up, inspired to get fit. And Kirrin Island is no different.
Background music plays. FX: Man walking up.
WOMAN RECEPTIONIST
I'm sorry sir. Kirrin Island Health Spa is a members only club.
MAN
I am aware of that.
WOMAN
So I am going to have to ask you to leave.
MAN
Excuse me but I do happen to be a member.
WOMAN
Don't make me laugh. Go on clear off.
MAN
I beg your pardon!
WOMAN
Yeah, you're a member of a health club and I'm an astrophysicist!
MAN
I'm not here all the time. I'm a country member
WOMAN
You don't have to tell me!
MAN
What on earth do you mean by that?
WOMAN
Well look at you!
MAN
What's wrong with me.
WOMAN
You're fat!
MAN [OUTRAGED]
I beg your pardon!
WOMAN
You're a big fat porker. Looks to me like the only exercise you get is with a knife and fork.
MAN
You can't say that to me.
WOMAN
Well you're the only lardy arse standing here.
Blocking out half the sunlight I might add. Go on clear off.
I've told you this is a members club.
MAN
And I've told you I am a member!
WOMAN
Oh yeah? What do you do then. Sit on the bike
switched to a Sunday stroll in the park setting, watching the women
jogging on the treadmills eh?
MAN
No I do not!
WOMAN
Come on I know your sort. Watching those fit, sexy young women with their tight buttocks and their breasts bouncing up and down eh!
MAN
This is outrageous!
WOMAN
With your hands in your pockets.
MAN
Right that's it. I'm taking your name.
WOMAN
You can take what you like as long as you take your fat backside out of here. My name is... (POINTEDLY) Lucy Jones, now do one lard arse before I call security.
FX: The man walking away.
MAN (SHOUTING BACK)
You'll be hearing from my lawyer.
WOMAN
Another pervert is he? We have cameras in here you know. We know
exactly what your sort gets up to.
MAN
I'm going to sue you for every penny you've got.
WOMAN
Just get out before I call the police.
MAN
You're never going to work in this industry again.
You'll be seeing me.
WOMAN
God I hope not. You've put me off my lunch as it is.
MAN
You'll be sorry.
FX: DOOR SLAMMING
WOMAN
Have a nice day.
FX: ANOTHER DOOR OPEN AND THE SOUND OF HEELS CLACKING ACROSS.
LUCY
Sorry to keep you waiting Kate. And thanks for minding the desk for me while I got changed. We're short staffed today.
WOMAN RECEPTIONIST (FULL OF WARMTH)
That's okay, Lucy. Let's go and have some lunch.
LUCY
This is really good of you. Are you sure?
KATE
Of course I am. Why wouldn't I?
LUCY
Well what with me going out with Luke tonight.
I know you were keen on him.
WOMAN RECEPTIONIST
Well... he asked you out didn't he?
LUCY
I know. Sorry.
WOMAN RECEPTIONIST
Don't be sorry, Lucy. Trust me.
I don't have a jealous bone in my body.
