NEW BALLS PLEASE
COMMENTATOR: As Olympic Fever hits London it seems that every shop on the high street has been feeling the impact.
FX: BELL JANGLING
MALE CUSTOMER (LOW,PERVY CONSPIRATORIAL VOICE)
You got any of that... you know..... that resin you use for rubbing on surfboards.
ASSISTANT {Puzzled}
No sir. W don't stock that here.
MALE CUSTOMER
You got any of those big fluffy... yellow tennis balls?
ASSISTANT
No sir. We don't stock any of those either.
MALE CUSTOMER
What about waterproof fishing waders?
ASSISTANT
No sir. This is a sex shop!
MALE CUSTOMER
You got any table tennis bats?
ASSISTANT {exasperated}
Look sir I've told you. This is a sex shop. Now I can sell you
any manner of marital aids. If you want condoms, you've come to the right
place. If you want French ticklers we have a myriad. Latex goods sir? Rubber? Either
vibrating or of the inflatable kind... then we can do business. Magazines, videos
Spannish fly, oils, unguents, S and M paraphernalia - we've got it all. But no sir we can't help you with sporting goods.
MALE CUSTOMER
Okay. Okay. No need to get ants in your pants.
FX BELL JANGLING
ASSISTANT
Good day to you sir!
FEMALE CUSTOMER (POLITE COUGH)
Couldn't help overhearing.
ASSISTANT
Hello Miss Johnson. Well you can't be too careful.
There was a big raid in Soho a couple of days ago.
FEMALE CUSTOMER (LOW, HUSY WHISPER)
So.... You got any ping pong balls?
