INT. LIVING ROOM - EVENING
Nicola and Alan (late 30's) enter arguing, unbeknownst to them, their teenage daughter Claire lays out on the sofa facing forward.
NICOLA
Well, I'm not the one who left the keys in the ignition, am I?
ALAN
Look you can't blame me for everything!
NICOLA
Well...it's your fault...Claire's got those big, satellite dish ears!
Claire's face contorts with horror as the insults fly.
ALAN
Me?! Well, she got her fat legs from you!
NICOLA
You f**king bastard! She got her squinty eye from you!
ALAN
Pah! It's your fault she's got a gammy hand!
NICOLA
Bringing that up now are you? Well, her nose whistles because of you!
ALAN
What? That's your fault; when you dropped her in the bath!
NICOLA
Oh yeah, well it's your fault she's got that really strong odour that you just can't get out of clothes no matter how many times you wash them!
ALAN
I've got two words for you, "webbed fingers"!
NICOLA
You f**king bastard! It's from your side of the family the doctors didn't know what sex she was!
ALAN
Yeah, yeah. Well, if your stupid vagina hadn't crushed her head during childbirth she might not be so thic...
Claire jumps up from the sofa.
CLAIRE
I've heard everything you two have been saying about me! My big, satellite dish ears, gammy hand, whistling nose, awful odour, squinty eye, webbed fingers, my questionable gender and you think I'm stupid!
ALAN
Oh...
NICOLA
It's alright love; at least you've got my personality.
END OF SKETCH.
