I've never posted anything to be rated before so I thought it was worth a shot. This is the first 10 pages from my sitcom 
OPEN ON A SMALL CANAL-SIDE CAFÉ. LOCATION IS UNKNOWN.
ALICE IS SITTING BEHIND THE DESK WRITING A LETTER.
LILLY AND MATTHEW ARE OFF SCREEN.
MATTHEW RUNS TOWARDS THE DOOR SHOUTING
MATTHEW
I’ve got it, I’ve got it, I’ve got it, I’ve got it!
MATTHEW RUNS INTO CLOSED DOOR. ALICE SHOUTS WITHOUT LOOKING UP
ALICE
Lilly! He’s done it again.
LILLY ENTERS
LILLY
Oh for christ’s sake, you think he would have learnt by now! This is the eighth time he’s done that this month!
ALICE
I know.
SHE ROLLS HER EYES AND THEN TURNS TO WRITE THE LETTER
ALICE
What’s the date?
LILLY
The eighth. I’d better drag him in then, you know the drill, Alice.
LILLY OPENS THE DOOR AND DRAGS MATTHEW IN, WHILST ALICE GETS A GLASS OF WATER WITHOUT TAKING HER EYES FROM THE LETTER. SHE PLACES THE GLASS DOWN ON THE END OF THE DESK.
ALICE
I bet his brain feels as good as new, considering he’s never used it. He was screaming he had something and then ran into the door.
LILLY
Yeah, the advertisement in the newspaper. He’s been so excited about it.
LILLY SITS DOWN BESIDE MATTHEW AND STARTS LIGHTLY SLAPPING HIS FACE TO WAKE HIM UP. MATTHEW STILL DOESN’T WAKE UP
LILLY
Oh my god, he isn’t waking up!
ALICE
I’ll do it.
ALICE PICKS UP THE GLASS OF WATER AND THROWS IT ON MATTHEW. MATTHEW WAKES UP STRAIGHT AWAY SCREAMING
MATTHEW
I’ve got it, I’ve got it, I’ve got it!!!
ALICE POINTS REMOTE CONTROL AT MATTHEW AND FRANTICALLY PRESSES OFF BUTTON
ALICE
How do you turn him off?
SHE THROWS REMOTE CONTROL BEHIND HER, WHICH LANDS IN A TUB OF POTATO SALAD
MATTHEW
I’ve got the advert!
MATTHEW READS THE ADVERT
MATTHEW
Tea-rrific! A friendly family environment where smiles are served with coffee. Sit and have a rest with our wide range of beverages while your children play in the out-door play area that is constantly monitored by a child minder.
MATTHEW LOOKS UP
MATTHEW
Since when does Alice smile and since when do we have a play area?
ALICE
I won’t smile while there is still a breath of air in your lungs!
LILLY
I’ve decided to make this place more of a family environment. More people will come then.
ALICE
Are you insane? We can’t look after children! We don’t have a play area!
LILLY
We do – I’ve ordered one of those climbing frame things.
ALICE
Oh, and who is going to put that together?
LILLY LOOKS AT ALICE, SMIRKING SLIGHTLY AS IF TO SUGGEST IT IS HER!
MATTHEW
We had better get ready.
ALL WALK TO THE BATHROOM
IN THE BATHROOM, STANDING IN FRONT OF A MIRROR. LILLY IS DOING HER HAIR AND SMILING PERFECTLY. ALICE IS SLOUCHED, GLARING AT THE MIRROR WITH DISGUST. SHE STICKS HER TONGUE OUT AND EXAMINES IT BRIEFLY. THEN CONTINUES TO GLARE. MATTHEW STANDS AND STARES WITH A STUPID LOOK ON HIS FACE, AND PICKING HIS NOSE. AFTER A SHORT WHILE, HE TAKES HIS FINGER OUT AND EXAMINES IT, THEN PUTS HIS FINGER IN HIS MOUTH.
THERE IS A KNOCK AT THE CAFÉ DOOR
SCENE 2.
ALICE WALKS TO THE DOOR AND OPENS IT. TWO WOMEN STANDING WITH TWO YOUNG CHILDREN. ALICE LOOKS AT CHILDREN WITH DISGUST
ALICE
What?
MOTHER ONE
We would like a cup of coffee. I understand you have a children’s play area, yes?
ALICE
No, I’m afraid it’s all a big fat hairy con to get you to come here…
LILLY RUNS IN AND PUSHES ALICE VIOLENTLY OVER A TABLE
LILLY
Yes, of course we do, please come in and take a seat?
LILLY SMILES OVER THE TOP. ALICE PULLS LILLY OVER AND HISSES
ALICE
What did you say that for?
LILLY
Do you know how much money we could make from this?
ALICE
And do you know the damage those little rats will do to this place?
LILLY
What do you mean?
ALICE
They swing from the lights in the toilets. Like the little apes that they are!
LILLY
No they don’t, don’t be so ridiculous, look at them!
BOTH TURN AROUND TO SEE THE CHILDREN PLAYING QUIETLY IN THE CORNER WITH A BRIGHT LIGHT BEHIND THEM, AND TURN TO SMILE SWEETLY AT THEM. LILLY SMILES BACK AFFECTIONATELY, ALICE PULLS A FACE
LILLY
See? All we have to do is put them in the back garden with a football and a couple of Barbie’s and they will be fine! Now, go take their order, while I take the kids to the back garden.
ALICE LOOKS IRRITATED
LILLY
Go!
THE TWO MOTHERS TURN AROUND TO LOOK AT ALICE AND LILLY, LILLY SMILES BACK ANGELICALLY
LILLY TALKS THROUGH GRITTED TEETH AS ALICE PUTS ON A FAKE SMILE
LILLY
Don’t forget to smile
ALICE
Welcome to Tea-rrific, my name is Alice, and may I take your order?
MOTHER ONE
Yes, could we have two mocha-cappuccinos please?
ALICE
A what?
MOTHER REPEATS PATRONISINGLY
MOTHER ONE
Mocha-cappuccinos.
ALICE
I’m sorry, I’m afraid we are out of those particular beverages.
MOTHER TWO
Do you have a de-caffinated double-choco-latte?
ALICE
No…
MOTHER ONE
May I ask what coffee you do have?
ALICE SHRUGS
ALICE
We have kenco.
THE MOTHERS SIGH AND PUT THEIR MENUS DOWN
MOTHER TWO
I guess that will have to do. Two coffees and two pieces of gateaux.
ALICE GIVES ANOTHER BLANK STARE OF DISBELIEF. THE MOTHER IS EXASPERATED
MOTHER ONE
CHOCOLATE CAKE!
ALICE GIVES ANOTHER FAKE SMILE AND TURNS ON HER HEELS TO BEHIND THE COUNTER
ALICE
Matthew!
MATTHEW RUNS IN AND LOOKS AROUND RECKLESSLY. ALICE RETURNS TO WRITING HER LETTER
ALICE
We have an order, get on with it.
LILLY WALKS IN LOOKING DISHEVELLED
ALICE
What happened to you?!
LILLY
The kids…they took my shoes!
ALICE
Why the hell did they take your shoes?
LILLY
For some sort of experiment with a frog and an exhaust pipe.
ALICE
Exhaust pipe? None of us have a car!
LILLY
But the guy next door does.
WIDE-EYED STARE FROM ALICE AS MATTHEW HANDS OVER THE ORDER. ALICE WALKS OVER TO THE MOTHERS AND PLACES THE COFFEE ON THE TABLE, RECKLESSLY
ALICE
There you go. If you have any complaints, don’t hesitate to tell me
TURNS AROUND AND MURMURS
You miserable shites.
