British Comedy Guide

NJ Travel Agent

Woman 1 - Welcome to Newsjack travel agents for people who think EasyJect are too posh. Will you be travelling alone, Mrs..?

Asma - al-Assad. Asma al-Assad. Yeah, my husbands busy with work. He's Syrian President so he can't take time off

Woman 1 - Yeah atrocities won't commit themselves. Lets see what we've got

F/X typing

Woman 1 - (CON/T) How about Rome - a city full of history and romance; like a Mills and Boon book with the forward by Tony Robinson

Asma - That sounds perfect

F/X dialing a telephone.

Woman 1 - (CON/T) Hello. I have a client interested in visiting your beautiful city (Beat) I'm not sure if she can ride a moped (Beat) The name? It's Asma al-Assad (Beat) But you don't know when it is?

F/X dialing tone

Woman 1 - (CON/T) Apparently they're out that weekend.

F/X typing

Woman 1 - (CON/T) Do you like rubbish weather and topical radio shows starring under appreciated beautiful women?

Asma - They're okay

Woman 1 - Then you'll think England is okay

F/X dialing a telephone.

Woman 1 - (CON/T) Mr Hague? I didn't expect you to answer. I have a woman here who would like to visit your country (Beat) Asma al-Assad. (Beat) But. (Beat) I don't understand

F/X dialing tone

Woman 1 - (CON/T) They can't stop you from visiting but they will hinder your trip

Asma - How?

Woman1 - You'll only have access to four star hotels and restricted view theatre tickets - but they will be complimentary

Asma - Pass. What else have you got?

F/X typing

Woman 1 - (CON/T) Spain. Who doesn't love getting drunk and bullying bulls?

F/X telephone dialing

Woman 1 - (CON/T) Before we start is Asma al-Assad allowed to visit Spain (Beat) You can't blame her for that (Beat) But..

F/X dialing tone

Woman 1 - (CON/T) You can't visit. They said they don't trust people like you?

Asma - Wives of dictators?

Woman1 - No, British Citizens

END

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