Quote: Badge @ March 28 2012, 9:22 PM BSTWhere it feels a bit over-explained to me.
I like it though. Would like to see the finished article.
I see what you're saying but those two lines were basically the starting point of the sketch. They're meant to be over expositional, kind of like the bit in the whodunnit where Poirot explains how the murder came about because of the blah, blah, blah. A lot of it (if executed right) will pivot on the sort of tone and delivery that's hard to get across in a script (which I fully acknowledge sounds like a dreadful cop out). Hope that doesn't come across like I only put this thing out there for praise and I'm batting your thoughtful comment aside, because I do get where you're coming from.
Quote: Tuumble @ March 28 2012, 10:05 PM BSTI jested with a clever use of your choice of catchphrases. I liked it and look forward to seeing it performed...with hilarious results.
I countered with a South Park catchphrase of course. Just in case you thought I was storming out and taking my toys with me.
Quote: Shandonbelle @ March 28 2012, 10:13 PM BSTThat's what I was seeing, a directors instructions to an actor.
Oh right, the parenthesis. That's fair, they are very detailed. As much as anything I was trying to capture how I'd want to see the sketch performed so I have it on record in the event that I find myself having to play one of the roles. I find the more detail I can get on paper the better the chance that when I read it back I'll get the same sort of excitement I felt as when I wrote the thing. If I were handing this to another actor I'd cut that shit right out though.