Only just getting round to posting last week's one p1sspoor effort. Hey, some of us have day jobs.
"Humble"
Justin intro:
It's always a good idea to get out when you are ahead - unless you are Lewis Hamilton. This week Kate Humble has announced that she will be stepping down from Springwatch - but is undecided where she will turn her skills to next.
FX Crimewatch theme tune
Kate Humble:
Hello and welcome to Crimewatch. I'm Kate Humble, and with me is Chief Superintendent Beastlie.
Beastlie:
Evening all.
Kate Humble:
You've joined us at an exciting time - if we look from our position here, on the moral high ground, we can see there's something interesting just emerging from the grass - I can't quite make it out...
Beastlie:
Yes, it's the address where Ben Mitchell is currently lying low. Quite soft grass there - it didn't take much.
Kate Humble:
Look at the little creature, gently whimpering now, with that distinctive black and blue colouration around his pretty eyes...
Beastlie:
...and fingernails.
Kate Humble:
Good. I understand there's also excitement over at the river?
Beastlie:
That's right - the bank has been held up - by a crude collection of twigs and leaves. We would be very interested in talking to a gang of beavers who were seen building a dam in the area. We will also be setting up a hive.
Kate Humble:
For a sting operation?
Beastlie:
Honey trap.
Kate Humble:
Now I've been down by the babbling Brooks - and it's really quite stunning the muck and bilge which has been thrown up.
Beastlie:
Yes - she's singing like a canary. We'll be setting up an observation hide and see what develops - but we are expecting lots of weaselling, hatching of plots and possibly some long distance flight.
Kate Humble:
What a magnificent tit. Please don't have nightmares - Bill Oddie won't.
Self critique:
- not really a top story of the week
- this is still a first draft
- three key gags are completely different threads - fictional person, whimsy, real person, - should pick a theme and stick to it
- the "grass" gag is ok but the Ben Mitchell follow up is poor. Could I not think of a better one? (no)
- Good first line. Goes downhill from there
- probably been too many "-Watch" spoofs this series
- what's the Bill Oddie thing? Was there originally a gag in there about him being a missing person which didn't quite work so you took it out but still had the reference in at the end looking a wee bit, well, odd-y?
Right - back to work. These humanity threatening flesh eating viruses won't neutralise themselves, you know.