JUSTIN:
It's not been a great week for Ed Miliband, first he mistook a bearded man for lady at a question and answer session, and then he received the news that his Westminster offices had been broken into. They say bad luck comes in threes, just wait until he sees his building insurance premiums following the break in...
ED MILIBAND:
Oh, this is a disaster! Has anything been stolen, officer?
INVESTIGATOR:
Not as far as we can tell, Mr Miliband, everything looks intact.
ED MILIBAND:
Why would anyone do this to me, Ed Miliband, leader of the Labour Party, the guy that other guys want to be, and that chicks without beards want to be with?
INVESTIGATOR:
Our criminal profilers are working on some theories. It appears that whoever broke in was happy to just be in here. He spent quite some time here, by the looks of it, sitting at your desk, phoning your mother. He's even been working on a speech titled, "Thanks for Electing Me As The Leader Of The Labour Party And Getting Rid Of That Other Idiot Even Though He's My Brother." My guess is that he's playing out some sick fantasy where he is the leader of the Labour party, and not you.
ED MILIBAND:
Oh my God, that's depraved, who would be capable of such an act?
INVESTIGATOR:
We just don't know, we've hit a dead end. Do you have any enemies? Perhaps somebody close to you, who feels that they could be doing a better job at this than you?
ED MILIBAND:
Oh wait! David! Of course, my own brother! (PAUSE) I'll ask David if he knows who did this, he was always the clever one. In fact, I'm surprised he didn't go for the Labour leadership, he would've been brilliant at that.
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Duh! Ed MILIBAND! Although I'm getting a great mental image of an Ed Mini Band...