JUSTIN:With the end of another series of Masterchef comes the news that Gregg Wallace's third marriage has failed and he's back on the market, except this time he's not flogging two punnets of strawberries for a fiver. After meeting his third wife on Twitter, Greg "the undiscerning woman's crumpet" is wasting no time in looking elsewhere for his next victim.
CLAIRE
o Gregg, how would you like your profile to appear?
GREGG:40 something, handsome male, taller than he is wide with own house, market stall and wheelbarrow.
CLAIRE:I always say to potential suitors its best to be as honest as possible, so out of five what would you rate your physical attractiveness?
GREGG:Five; one for every portion of fruit and veg my partner would get every day.
CLAIRE
k, and what are you looking for in a partner?
GREGG:Young.
CLAIRE:Anything else.
GREG:Erm, must like fruit and veg.
CLAIRE:A young woman who likes fruit and veg. Anything else aside from a love of groceries?
GREGG:They've got to like smooth things.
CLAIREmooth things?
GREGG:Yeah, like my loaf of bread.
CLAIREo must like fruit, veg and bread.
GREGG:No, "loaf of bread", head.
CLAIREh right. Fruit, veg and bald men.
GREGG:Bald?! I'm not bald, I'm balding!
CLAIRE:Right, is there anything important in a partner you don't want me to leave out?
GREGG:Yeah, they must hate John Torode!
CLAIREk, Mr Wallace I've filled out your lonely hearts form and your profile should appear on bloated and desperate.com in the next few days.
GREGG
id I mention they must like fruit and veg?
