JUSTIN
Basher Al Assad emails have been leaked by the Syrian resistance.
He seems to have spent most of his time not planning how to defeat the rebels. But discussing fashion and media advice with glamorous female Syrian expats.
A bit like when my girlfriend goes out on a girly night out and comes back with a list of my faults on 10 pages.
Not crush the resistance, more like crush velvet.
We at Newsjack have got an exclusive copy of some of these e-mails.
FX
Carrie types through out the sketch.
CARRIE
March 12 Me and the girls went to the Fendi launch party. Basher was there again, he is so square. Kept complaining he can't get the blood out of his secret police's secret uniforms. I mean everyone knows Scarlet is this season's new colour.
March 13 Basher was asking me for advice about heels. I said it's gotta be 6 inch Blahniks for style and Fendi kitten heels for dancing. Which one is it for smacking journalists over the head? He wanted to know. He is funny!
March 14 Me and the girls were comparing gifts. Big bought me a diamond necklaces, Carrie got a Pomeranian and Basher got a waver from UN military action. From China and Russia! Cheeky little miss, do they know he's two timing them?
March 15 Me and the girls are joining Basher in his exclusive Damascus apartment. It's a drinks party. There's going to be Molotov cocktails and then everyone's getting slaughtered!