ALICE AND BRIAN JUNIOR GOVERNMENT MINISTERS ARE WAITING TO GREET AN ALIEN CALLED ZARTAN IN THE MIDDLE OF A FIELD
FX Alien thrumming of a mighty space ship.
ALICE
Look the door's opening The light. It's so bright.
BRIAN
It's like Dave's smiling. Something's coming out. Oh my look at those huge jaws, the massive insectile eyes.
FX
The thunking sound of a mighty alien walking down a ramp.
ALICE
Those long athletic legs
BRIAN
Legs?
ZARTAN
People of Earth I Zartan have come....
ALICE
To represent England at the Olympics in the 300 meter hurdles?
BRIAN
Alice what the hell are you saying?
ALICE
Oh come on Brian Dave Cameron asked me specifically to offer citizenship to any athletic looking aliens. We're paying 29 billion for the Olympics and all our English athletes are too fat and lazy to win anything.
BRIAN
It would help if McDonalds would just sponsor the Olympics and not feed the athletes.
ZARTAN
I will not take part in your puny human "hurdles." I am here to.
ALICE
Pole vault?
ZARTAN
No.
BRIAN
Hop scotch.
ALICE
That's not an Olympic event.
BRIAN
Should be I'm really good at it.
ZARTAN
Silence puny humans. I Zartan am here to conquer your planet, burn your cities and devour your livestock.
ALICE
Oh I see so that's what it's like, you know what to do Brian....show him the brochure.
BRIAN
Mr Zartan would you like to fly some Eurofighters? Guaranteed never flown,