British Comedy Guide

Detector Quickie

INT. HOME. LIVING ROOM.

MAN:
I think I'll head out for a spot of metal detecting love.

WOMAN:
But it's half ten at night, it's pitch black outside.

MAN:
Well, there's less people about, I've got a miner's helmet anyway.

CUT TO EXT: CLOSE UP OF MAN'S HEAD WEARING MINER'S HELMET OUTSIDE IN THE DARK.

FX BLEEP.

MAN: (to himself)
Here we go.

CAMERA PAN DOWN TO SHOW MAN IS AT A GRAVEYARD. HE STARTS TO USE A SPADE.

MAN: (to himself)
Thank God this a freshly dug grave.... FX THUD... yep, that's the casket alright... I'll prise open the lid... Wow! I've hit the jackpot.

CUT TO COFFIN. INSIDE LIES A DEAD RAPPER. THE MAN IS OPENING HIS LIPS TO REVEAL A FULL SET OF GOLD DENTURES.

You packed a lot of problems into a short sketch there, Nigel! The miner's helmet bit went nowhere and I don't understand why the man would think grave robbing was okay just because the hole was freshly dug. You make a couple more errors too (a camera pan is a sideways movement and how exactly does one open a lip?) but your biggest problem is a super weak punchline.

Fair comment, thanks.

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