NJ Changes to NHS Bill

JUSTINeputy Prime Minister Nick Clegg claims changes forced upon the Government by the Liberal Democrats have rendered the Health and Social Care Bill 'unrecognisable'. Which suggests privatisation of the National Health Service is to be sneaked past the electorate in thick-framed spectacles and a false moustache. Newsjack challenged Mr Clegg to explain the changes. Deputy Prime Minister, thank you for taking the time out of your busy schedule to talk to us.

NICK CLEGG:No that's fine. Any time.

JUSTIN:Another politician prepared to drop everything to speak to the cutting edge news outlet that is Newsjack. Take that Today Programme.

NICK CLEGG:Anything really to get out of that pokey little office. In fact if you're not busy we could go for a pint afterwards.

JUSTINon't you have important ministerial correspondence you should be attending to?

NICK CLEGGh yes, David makes sure I see all the top secret classified papers. You know before I was a minister I never knew such a high security clearance was required for stationery requisitions.

JUSTIN:Let's crack on. Deputy Prime Minister could you begin by explaining the changes the Liberal Democrats have made to the Bill.

NICK CLEGG:Absolutely. The changes that have been made to the Bill are, and I can't stress this enough, immense changes.

JUSTIN:In what ways?

NICK CLEGG:Fundamental ways.

JUSTINerhaps you could elaborate.

NICK CLEGG:Yes of course. The important thing about these immense fundamental changes is that they are very significant.

JUSTIN:Could you be specific?

NICK CLEGG:Yes, yes I could.

JUSTIN:Go on, what exactly has changed?

NICK CLEGG:I won't bore the listeners with technical detail, but these changes are, and this the crucial thing, absolutely huge changes.

JUSTIN:Just point to one change the LibDems have made to the Bill.

NICK CLEGG:Well, we succeeded in getting the typeface changed.

JUSTINo you have. Innovative font choice. Wingdings.

NICK CLEGGon't you think it's that much less threatening now?

JUSTIN:And being made up entirely of abstract symbols actually makes the Bill not one whit less comprehensible. Thank you Nick Clegg.

NICK CLEGG:Are you sure you can't do that pint? David never has time anymore.

JUSTIN:Goodbye Mr Clegg.

NICK CLEGG:Maybe another time? I don't really have many friends.

JUSTINecurity.

NICK CLEGGDISTANT) Just give me a bell. I am never busy...

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