Justin - As you may have guessed I was born into a hard a life so when Grand-mama sent me on an errand it was to collect her cigarettes and vermouth. But posh boy Prince Harry has been sent to the Caribbean. Newsjack were fortunate enough to gain access to his diaries and all he wanted in return was some fridge-chilled after sun
V/O - The diary of Prince Harry. Monday
Harry - The start was not pleasant. It was hot, the food was diabolical and the people smelled of being poor. I hate Heathrow. I was pleased when we touched down in Belize. I was instantly whisked off to name some streets. Tad disappointed I didn't get to choose the name, I had my heart set on Sir Gary Roads. The locals held a party in my honour there were a lot of beautiful ladies, I can see why Dad and William weren't allowed to come. I tried my favourite chat up line "What has a red top and goes all night?" They thought I was talking about a night bus. Never mind (Caribbean Accent) Every little things going to be alright
V/O - Tuesday
Harry - Went to meet Usain Bolt; the fastest man alive. It was a huge honour; I love those Virgin adverts. My staff suggested it would make a great picture if we had a race. Usain "Lighten" Bolt vs Harry "Thunder" Windsor. I planned to do my country proud. Unfortunately I got a tad distracted at the starting line; I thought I saw two girls kissing and pointed it out to Usain then my attention was stolen by a lady with diamond jubilees at the finish line and before I knew it I was sprinting towards her. I am now the fastest man alive. Usain was upset when I took his medals but I told him (Caribbean Accent) Every little things going to be alright
V/O - Wednesday
Harry - I went to another party - the things I do for my country. I was there to honour the youth of the country, to give plaudits to the youngsters who have made a real difference. It wasn't all bad though I met Miss Bahamas - hubba hubba. She had told the press she wanted to marry me so I was keen to get her views on political events; such as should her country be independent and her views on sex before marriage. She said I was a hot prince I said "you want to try wearing blue suede shoes and a suit in this heat" She left shortly after. Oh well (Caribbean Accent) Every little things going to be alright
V/O - Thursday
Harry - I met the Jamaican Prime Minister Portia Simpson Miller today. Talk about a PMILF. She has been saying she wants independence from the monarchy so I gave her a cuddle to see if she'd succumb to Harrys charms; she didn't. I tried complimenting her I said how great it was that she was a female black leader - not a good move. Finally I decided to add some humour to the proceedings by telling her a joke - I just wish it wasn't one of Prince Phillips. (Caribbean Accent) Every little thing is not going to be alright.
END