NJ: Newsjack Shop Addiction Cures

JUSTIN:
This week, a new study by scientists showed that using LSD could have a positive effect on the treatment of alcohol addiction, and if you find that hard to believe then you're probably either drunk or tripping. Here at Newsjack, we're no strangers to innovative psycho-pharmacological theories, which is why you can find the treatment for your addiction in the Newsjack shop...

GRAMS: NEWSJACK SHOP MUSIC

VOICEOVER:
You've beat the booze, but now you're addicted to LSD? Then get rid of your chronic addiction by replacing it with another one! Just take 100 Newsjack LSD Busting cigarettes after each meal, who cares if it's National No Smoking Day!

LSD ADDICT:
Oh Wow! Those prices can't be that low, I must be hallucinating? Am I? Am I hallucinating? Am I? Am I? GAAAAHH! Who stole my unicorn?

TANNOY:
Special offer on aisle 12, it's buy one, get one free on unicorn burgers.

VOICEOVER:
Addicted to cigarettes? How on earth did you let that happen? What you need is a healthy sex addiction! Our new self help book will have you off your feet in no time. It's not the Newsjack brand, it's...

RUSSELL BRAND:
Me, Russell Brand! Now that I've got a bit of time on me hands, me loves, I've dipped back into me old ways, and no mistake. Just read My Bonky-Wonk, and you'll soon be shagging anything that moves. Except Katy. Why!? Why did you leave me, Katy? (CRIES)

TANNOY:
Tissues to aisle 5.

VOICEOVER:
Booze, drugs, fags, and now sex, there really is no way you could sink any lower. Or is there? No! So turn your life around with our Newsjack sex addiction cure DVD!

GRAMS: STRICTLY COME DANCING THEME

BRUCIE:
Nice to see you, to see you, nice! Welcome to a special compilation of Strictly Come Dancing, featuring Ann Widdecombe's best bits that were too hot for TV!

VOICEOVER:
You'll never think about sex again...

Really enjoyed that

Hey thanks, Shandonbelle. If I'm being picky, I think maybe the opening of the LSD addict line is a little clunky, but generally I was really happy with it.

The problem with an NJ Shop sketch (or Diary, etc), is that they can only do one per show, so it depends what you're up against.

Trying to coerce Lewis into another showboat?

I did like the idea of one addiction leading to another. That is most excellent. I think that idea might work without the need for the celebrities.

Dan

Haha! It's no worse than you trying to get Lyndsay Fenner to do some more acting...

Plus... Lewis usually does the Shop voiceover, so he couldn't really then do Brucie and RB. I could see Justin doing a decent Russell Brand. If not, then I guess MCS or Pippa Evans could do the main voiceover, with Lewis doing the impressions.

You could lose the Brucie impression at the end, and just mention the DVD, I suppose, but Lewis just has to do Brucie's "Ah-vavavavadibadabdibadaba..." thing and it gets a laugh. A free laugh! I didn't write that in the sketch because I couldn't spell it.

Thanks for the comments, appreciate it.

Nice idea, and a cunning ploy to work in some celeb voices (even though you point out the flaw in the strategy.)