Justin intro:
The best things in life are free - sunshine, fresh air, those coats you find hanging up by the door in coffee shops. This week saw the first steps towards having to pay privately for policing as it emerged that police forces in Surrey and West Midlands have been inviting commercial companies to tender for contracts for police work. Where will it end?
FX relaxed jazz style TV advert music
Reassuring advert voiceover:
Have you been mugged, burgled or otherwise are the victim of crime? Perhaps you've been murdered or are just elderly and need help crossing the road? Why not call us at Police Service For You... Limited.
With just one phone call, we will visit you in the comfort of what's left your own home to register your crime and issue you with a crime number - and an invoice.
Here's how it works. Because all our costs are subsidised by the tabloid press, if we can't solve your crime we will give you your money back - yes, that's right, we'll give you your money back - except that part which was stolen in the crime. It really is that easy - if they're not charged, you're not charged!
But wait, that's not all. Been the victim of assault? We'll investigate battery too, at no extra cost!
FX slow trumpet a la M&S
Husky female advert voiceover:
This officer is not just an intendent; this officer is a CHIEF SUPERintendent.
Reassuring advert voiceover:
Or you can catch us on the internet
FX Hip hop
Annoying advert singing:
We solve any crime dot com, we solve any crime dot com, we solve any any any crime, any place, anywhere, anyhow...[spoken] ....apart from those we commit.
FX back to relaxed jazz style TV advert music from the top
Reassuring advert voiceover:
So if you are the victim of crime, remember that number, it's 9, 9, 9. Remember, our bobbies can't be beat, and our prices are crazy - as police services should be provided free.
