JUSTINNational Numeracy, a new charity, has launched a campaign to champion better maths skills. And because of Newsjack's overwhelming popularity across the land we've been asked to help promote their new site. So the following is an infomercial for National Numeracy.
FX.LIGHT, PLAYFULL, CHILDRENS MUSIC
NELLY (QUIRKY, CHEERY, UPBEAT VOICE)
Hi, I'm Nelly the Number, and I'm here to make mathematics fun. Did you know two fifths of the population are bad at maths? What, you didn't know that it's forty percent? That's because you're bad at maths.
Being bad at maths is a British disease, just like the flu, obesity, and homosexuality. Ooops, sorry about that, I can't help it, I'm an irrational number, I'm just the sum of my parts and also I'm Catholic.
Thousands of people struggle to do normal day-to-day tasks like pay the bills, tell time and calculate how much they should tip a prostitute. But with Nelly's fun maths quizzes you won't have to worry again, take this example question.
If your wife earns eight pounds an hour working nine to five, five days a week, except for Tuesdays and Thursdays when she comes home at 9 is she A.) Earning an extra sixty-four pounds a week? B.) An extra sixty-eight pounds? Or C.) Having an affair?
But wait, Nelly can teach you much more than just your marriage is over, it can also help you buy bus tickets, let you know when your running late and even tell you if your train has been delayed by copper theft.
Still feeling divided? Is maths not adding up? Well don't be obtuse cos you're starting off on a tangent. Don't do a one-eighty at the first sine of mathness. Nelly the Number can show you the right angle to any problem. So log on to my site and soon you will be able to go fourth and multiply.
