Snooker sketch

Here's a sketch I'm undecided about. Part of me thinks it's great, but another part thinks its rubbish. I suppose that already implied by the term 'undecided about', but anyway let me know what you think. This might be a sketch that isn't funny to read, but may be funny once it's filmed.

INT. SNOOKER HALL.

We see the Upper half of a snooker table. The coloured balls are all placed. Player One sets the cue ball down and attempts a break off. The camera follows the cue ball down the table to where the reds should be. Pull back and reveal the bottom end of the table where a plate of food, a knife, a fork and a glass of wine are placed. The cue ball hits the plate. A man is sat at the bottom end of the table. He is wearing a napkin.

DINNER MAN: Oi! Do you mind? I’m trying to have some dinner.

PLAYER TWO: Awfully Sorry

Was it Mr Crea-sote (or whatever his name was) out of Monty Python eating his lunch... just before his wafer thin mint.

Neither 'great' or 'rubbish' as it stands. In my opinion it just needs something more. There is a snooker break activity and a diner activity and the sole bit of dialogue (and response) results from the two activities coming together. But neither the 'coming together' or the dialogue is actually funny. The only thing 'funny' is the idea of someone trying to eat dinner at the end of a snooker table. You need to work on the 'funny' aspect ... how could that be done? I don't want to lead you but I've often wondered why snooker players insist on dressing up as waiters!

Potentially v funny, Earman. Develop it, I say.

I agree with Fred in a way. It is good & funny now. You could make it even funnier though Earmon. You know that though dont you. I say extend it some. Build it up a bit. Very good though & yes very visual.

I had a similiar sort of idea a few years back with same camera angles but commentator saying " I think he's going for the plant ", camera pulls back and there is a poinsettia at the end of the table.

Not too sure either idea would bring the house down though if I'm honest.

I think that it needs something more too.

It's a bit neither one thing nor the other. If it were possible to disguise that the table was actually a snooker table then the joke or reveal might have more impact.

Problem is that the purpose of the table is revealed from the word go so the gag is (IMO) really a bit too weak as instead of a diner you could have a surgeon operating on someone with the big round light revealed instead of the normal snooker elongated shade thingy or maybe two people playing table-tennis across the bottom end.

Your point about it maybe being better filmed is probably right though as visual jokes don't always look great on paper.

Hmmm now I'm not sure either!

They had a sketch on 'The Sketch Show' where they showed the top of a snooker table and a player playing a shot. Then when they pulled down there was only half a table and the balls fell off.

It wasn't that funny IMO and I'd imagine yours would be difficult to pull off too.

I think it's like a sketch for a reoccurring character. Like something out of The Fast Show. The attention should be on THE DINNER MAN, he should have the last line, you could then, if you wanted, put him in various other situations, with the same pull back joke.

But the sketch itself wasn't that funny, more of a filler, but still a nice little visual.

Thanks for the comments. I'll see if I can develop it a bit and make it funnier. The Surgeon idea is good though. Big Train-esque I think.