NJ: Nation of maths dunces

Nation of Maths Dunces

JUSTIN:
A report has shown that seventeen million adults in Britain have the numerical skills of a primary school pupil, with many considering this to be a badge of honour. Personally, I think it's pathetic... and that they should get a proper badge of honour; like my ASBO! Joining me now to discuss this is the man who compiled the report - Sir Stephen Venn-Diagram.

STEPHEN:
Hello there.

JUSTIN:
Sir Stephen, seventeen million's an appalling figure - but what can we do about it?

STEPHEN:
It's actually 1.7 million, Justin.

JUSTIN:
I'm sorry?

STEPHEN:
You see; I accidentally put the decimal point in the wrong place, whilst calculating the results.

JUSTIN:
Ah... when did this come to light?

STEPHEN:
Just this morning. My 12-year-old son pointed it out over breakfast.

JUSTIN:
Hmm. Well, I suppose 1.7 million's reasonably tolerable - at least in comparison?

STEPHEN:
There's no room complacency, Justin! I mean, the revised figure still encompasses 20% of the British workforce!

JUSTIN:
Oh come off it! It must be more in the region of... five... surely?

STEPHEN:
I'm afraid not.

JUSTIN:
What, so the entire British workforce consists of only... 8.5 million people?

STEPHEN:
It does? Blimey! I didn't realise the recession had got that bad!

JUSTIN:
No...

STEPHEN:
In that case there must be what... 75 million people on the dole?

JUSTIN:
(SARCASTIC) Yes... and something tells me that you're soon going to be joining them!

The decimal point gag is great, but after that you seem to lose control of the sketch a bit and it doesn't end on a strong note.

You're doing what I do: not exaggerating enough. Make the figures ridiculously big or ridiculously small. We (the audience) still have to think about 20% meaning there are 8.5m people in the country and, "if we're thinking, we're not laughing" (copyright James Cary).

Scale it right down so it's 20 people or something like that.

The lines are a nice length and it did feel like a Newsjack interview, so I think the tone's okay. Needs a bigger reaction at the end; blind panic, getting an abacus out or something.

Dan