Sorry. Dont mean to bombard you. Last one.
This is for my mother. Who will read it in about 20 minutes.
15 year old Charley is sat at the kitchen table eating a sarnie. Her mum Brenda approaches her and sits next to her.
Brenda
(Quizzically) Charley. I need to ask you where something is.
Charley
(Huff) What?
Brenda
Your period. Where is it.
Charley
(Chokes on a bit of bread) Muuuuuuuum.
Brenda
Well. Where is it?
Charley
Coming soon to a body near you ok.
Brenda gets up from the chair, goes to the wall and pulls off the calendar. She comes back to the table takes a seat and shoves the calendar infront of Charley.
Brenda
See that big red circle on last month. Well that was when you had your period. The blue circle on this month is when your period was due. That was 5 days ago. Can you see a red circle for this month.
Charley
(Gobsmacked) You mark the day of my periods on a calendar that hangs on the kitchen wall?
Brenda
Your pregnant aren’t you?
Charley
(Fakes a shocked expression) No I am not. I haven’t even had sex, so that is impossible.
Brenda
(Looks Charley in the eye) You have been dating THAT boy for a year. Are you telling me you have not had sex.
Charley
(Huffy) I have not. Look go away. I am trying to eat . (Takes out a tomato from between the bread, waves it at her mother). You have put me off that.
Brenda.
Well I am making an appointment at the doctors for you.
CUT TO THE MORNING OF THE DOCTORS APPOINTMENT.
Brenda hands Charley the largest coffee jar in the whole wide world.
Brenda
You need to pee in that.
Charley
(OTT Sigh) Jesus. I told you. I can’t be pregnant. I haven’t had sex. Anyway look at the size of that thing. It’s a monster.
Brenda
(Raises her voice to a deafening shrill) Take it & fill it. (Shoves the largest coffee jar in the whole wide world, under Charley’s nose)
Charley spends 3 hours filling it up.
CUT TO THE DOCTORS OFFICE.
Doctor takes the largest jar in the whole wide world & stares at it. Wee has run down the side where it is over flowing.
Doctor
You only need a splash you know. (tuts)
Charley & Brenda watch as a stick is placed in the wee.
Doctor
It will take a few minutes.
Silence like you have never known.
Doctor
Right I have the results. Charley you ARE pregnant.
Brenda
(Screaming like a banshee) Nooooooooooooooo.
Charley
(Genuinely shocked, then blatantly lies) I haven’t had sex. I promise. This is impossible.(Eyes darting shiftily)
Cut to Brenda wailing, Dad shouting, twin brothers (10 years old) laughing.
Dad. (Peter)
How did this happen Charley
Charley
(Red faced. Shrugs) I haven’t had sex Dad.
Brenda
Oh stop lying you little…………LIAR.
Charley
(Pouting) I haven’t. (Standing and rocking from side to side)
Peter
Look it is possible to get pregnant without having sex Brenda.
Brenda
Its your daughter Peter. Not the bloodie Virgin Mary. Don’t be ridiculous. She has been bang at it.
Peter
How did it happen.
Charley
Maybe I sat on some you know what & it swam up my leg into my you know what.
Peter
(Opens his arms in gesture) That’s possible Brenda. That is very possible.
Brenda
(Face screwed up in distaste) Ridiculous. Unbelievably ridiculous. That would mean HER boyfriend knocked one out on the couch & Charley took her knickers off and sat on it.
Peter
(Grimace) Ewwwww!I knew that boy was filthy. What a thing to do on someone else’s couch.
Charley
(Chewing lip & scratching her nose) I was very hot. It was when I had the flu. Remember I had those hot & cold shivers. I had to take all my clothes off.
Cut to Brenda telling all Charley’s Aunts, Uncles, friend’s neighbours and Grandparents.
Brenda
So yes there you have it. Poor Charley, had this flu, sat on some you know what, & it swam up her you know what. That is how it happened. Poor girl. Pregnant & still a virgin.
