The Wrong Biscuits

INT. DAY.
A YOUNG MALE OFFICE WORKER, SMARTLY DRESSED, SAUNTERS INTO A QUIET OFFICE.

HIS NEW BOSS, A PORTLY MIDDLE AGED WOMAN, EXTENDS HER HAND.

Boss:
You must be Keviiiiiiiin! I’m Doreen, your line manager.

He grunts and nods and she crushes his fingers.

Boss:
First job, then, go to the kiosk two doors down and get two packets of ginger nuts- it’s a bit of an in joke between me and Ian over there.

IAN WAVES.

FADE

KEVIN RETURNS WITH ONE PACKET OF MALTED MILK AND ONE PACKET OF RICH TEA.

Kevin:
These are all they –

Boss:
You got the wrong biscuits..

FADE

TEXT: TWO WEEKS LATER.

THE PHONE RINGS.

Ian:
Oi, Kevin Wrongbiscuits, it’s for you.

FADE

TEXT: TWO WEEKS LATER

KEVIN IS EATING A BISCUIT. BOSS SNATCHES IT OFF HIM.

Boss:
I’m sorry, Kevin, this is the wrong biscuit.
SHE TAKES THE BISCUIT OFF HIM AND LICKS IT, THEN RUBS IT ON THE SOLE OF HER SHOE.

Boss:
Now it’s the right biscuit.

FADE

TEXT: 3 MONTHS LATER.

KEVIN IS WEARING A DUNCE’S CAP WITH ‘K.W.B’ ON IT, WHILE HIS BOSS, IAN AND OTHERS ARE DANCING ROUND HIM IN A CIRCLE MAKING NATIVE AMERICAN ‘WOO-WOO-WOO’ NOISES. THEY ARE TAKING IT IN TURNS TO CRUMBLE A FISTFUL OF BISCUIT AND RUB IT INTO KEVIN’S FACE OR PUT IT DOWN HIS TROUSERS.

FADE

TEXT 6 MONTHS LATER.

A DOOR SLAMS SHUT BEHIND A HANDCUFFED KEVIN AS A PRISON WARDER SAYS’ TAKE HIM TO THE WRONG BISCUITS WING’. EYE LEVEL SHOT OF KEVIN’S FACE BEING LED DOWN A CORRIDOR AMID A CACOPHONY OF ABUSE. ITEMS OF FOOD, OLD UNDERPANTS AND DISGUSTING LIQUIDS LAND ON HIS FACE AS HE TRIES TO TURN HIS FACE AWAY.

I liked it alot Fred. The style is very much like the League of Gentlemen. The way the dark humour is ratched up is very good. I would put the bit about the in joke at the end of the first scene though as its a bit out of place. You should have a look at Jam and maybe even some of Stuart Law's stuff [ https://www.comedy.co.uk/forums/thread/2215 ] to see how far you can take this kind of humour. Very good.

I love a good overreaction!!

Fred, that was great. Truly. I think I'd prefer if they gave him the chair though.

I thought this was very interesting. As a general 'theme' I believe each story is to do with 'significant' consequences arising from small 'starter' (almost trivial) events, thus the idea can be extended into other tales as you think 'em up. Good stuff!

I really like this. Nice one.

Bo.

I adored it Fred. How you come up with some of your stuff I will never know. You must have the strangest imagination in the world.
Only you could do a sketch called The Wrong Biscuits.
xx

I bow to the master.

Many thanks for such positive comments.I'd like a more epic ending, filmed from a low angle inside a prison but obviously I'd need a huge budget for that. Any more low-tech ideas for an ending?

Tossed into an oubliette?

Loved it Fred.

I thought this was great... very funny. The only bit that irks me slightly is the ending... I mean, I like the idea of office persecution, dealt out for such a trivial matter as 'the wrong biscuits'... but it becomes too silly when a 'real' prison is involved.

If that's the intention, then forget what I'm saying... I just can't help feeling it needs something just as conclusive but still related to the office environment to nail it.

No idea what that could be though...

Disagree with Darren completely. If anything I'd push it further.

So do I - agree - with David but Dis Darren.

We all have our own little stamps on our stuff. Fred's stamp is well I cant think what you would call it. Certainly unique.
Change nothing.
As i said I loved it.