The Scottish Colony of Doncaster
JUSTIN:
A study of ancient documents has revealed that the Yorkshire town of Doncaster technically belongs to Scotland... which is ever so slightly ironic, considering how voters there recently elected a tub-thumping English nationalist to be their mayor. Let's take a look at how he's coming to terms with this rather awkward turn of events!
V/O:
The diary of Doncaster mayor Peter Davies. Monday...
PETER:
Today was another marvellous day. There truly is nothing better than being the patriotic English mayor of a patriotic English town.
V/O:
Tuesday...
PETER:
Found out that I'm actually the patriotic English mayor of a Scottish town. Bugger!
V/O:
Wednesday...
PETER:
Sean Penn rang... unfortunately. Must remember to upgrade to caller display! Spent the afternoon worrying about my chances of being re-elected... but perked up later on after blasting 'Three Lions' on the stereo for three hours straight!
V/O:
Thursday...
PETER:
Had to pay ten quid for my blood pressure tablets! So much for Scotland having free prescriptions! Alex Salmond popped round and tried to sweet talk me. However, unlike Murdoch I remained impervious to the smug Jock's manipulative charms!
V/O:
Friday...
PETER:
(IN SCOTTISH ACCENT) Realised that the reason why Doncaster still has prescription fees is because of our English oppressors! Defected to the SNP accordingly and took the first steps towards changing my surname to McDavies! Viva la Scotland!